Now that you intend on having an open and honest sex life, how do you plan on getting him into the sack? Slutty and sexy are a couple of very effective tools you have at your disposal for snagging a guy. Both tactics will get you a man, but will they secure him for the long term? There are a few things you need to know about acting slutty versus acting sexy before you use them.


It's so easy for women to be slutty. It only requires two ingredients: skimpy clothes and attitude. When it comes to clothes, it's not about what you're wearing, but how little you're wearing. It's about skirts so short that they come with a government health warning. It's about blouses and tops that are so see-through that they might as well not be there. Cut is also important, as items should either be cut high or plunge low. Underwear isn't necessarily a must, and if you're going to wear some, it should be obvious what Victoria's keeping secret. And remember, slutty dressing is a minimalist art -- less is always better.

But a variation on the old the adage still holds true -- the clothes do not make the woman. Now you may look the part, but it doesn't mean anything if there isn't the attitude to back it up. You're going to have to act like you dress. You're a loose woman. You know how to push a man's buttons (and undo them if necessary). You're transparent in your wants and desires. You say the things every guys thinks. You're self-aware. You know who you are and what you want, and you know how to get it. There's nothing you won't do or have done to you.

So slutty definitely works. Slutty will get your man hot and bothered. But slutty doesn't make him stay. And it will also get you a disappointed telephone call from your mother because word got back through the grapevine that Joanie Fitzpatrick's youngest saw you dirty dancing in the hottest club in town without any underwear.

It's true: A guy will pounce on a slutty girl. It'll give him something to high five about with his boys and be another notch in his belt of manliness. He'll like his slutty girl -- but he isn't going to introduce her to Mom and he sure isn't going to show her off in front of the boss at the company picnic. A guy likes a slutty girl, but he isn't going to marry one.

Simon's Story: Straight from the Horse's Mouth

I used to work in an all male department and we worked twelve to fifteen hour days. In that environment, guys develop a bond. They get comfortable enough to talk about anything -- and honestly. It wasn't exactly the Algonquin Round Table, but it was frank and honest man talk. Eventually, we'd get around to the inevitable "chicks I would/wouldn't do" conversation. The classifications were simple. We were simple guys. The answers were: "Yeah, I'd do her" and "Nah, not a chance," but there was also a third category -- "I'd do her, but I wouldn't stay with her."

"I'd do her, but I wouldn't stay with her" -- kind of girls are the slutty girls. A slutty persona is good for a laugh and blowing off steam, but that's it. A guy wants more than that. Scout's honor, he does.


Sexy is akin to slutty, but it's a different animal. Like slutty, sexy requires attitude -- mainly confidence. If a guy sees that you're confident, he's attracted. For a woman to be sexy, she doesn't have to have the best figure, or be the prettiest one in the room. There's something inherently alluring about a woman who understands her sexuality and can display it without having to make a lewd remark or show tons of cleavage.

Here's the thing about slutty: It's predominately about the visual. Men are very stimulated by the visual. They're going to look, but it's a short term success. Their attention will move swiftly to the next scantily clad lady.

Here's the thing about sexy: It stimulates a guy's imagination. A sexy woman can have a guy's heart fluttering even if she's wearing an overcoat down to her ankles. The persona she's putting out there and the things she says are going to hook him and keep him hooked. A guy will want to know more about this woman. Unlike the slutty woman, where he knows what he's getting, with a sexy woman, he doesn't. He has to work at finding out about her. A sexy woman has depth and it's going to take a long time to reach those depths, so he's going to stick around.

And the Winner Is . . .

Sexy. Why does sexy beat slutty? In the long run, sexy is going to keep a guy interested, while slutty has a limited shelf life. No one wants to see a slutty, sixty-year-old woman. It's no different than the older, creepy guy at the nightclub trying to impress the young girls. However, an older sexy woman still turns heads.

There you have it -- sexy verses slutty. Sexy wins hands down. Now, there's nothing wrong with slutty if you're just looking for a quick fling. If you want an actual, lasting relationship with a great guy though, slutty doesn't work. It gets real old real soon. Sexy is eternal.

Copyright ©2009 Simon Oaks author of Will Marry for Food, Sex, and Laundry: How to Get Him -- and How to Keep Him

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