Successful Marriage Secrets

Divorce rates are at an all-time high, and a successful marriage seems hard to come by high these days. Rare is the occasion when we stumble upon a couple who has been married for more than 30 years, and when we do, some people think of it as “weird”. As soon as a couple announces the engagement, well-meaning family and friends offer advices, guidelines and principles for a successful marriage. Some say patience is essential; for some, laughter is the key. Every advice is as ever-changing as the seasons, and every soon-to-be bride who hopes to achieve a successful marriage would try to practice the offered principles.

But, is there really such thing as a successful marriage? While there may not be an easy “fix-it” dose for marital problems, here are some ingredients for cooking up a healthier, happier marriage one day at a time. Work on it: marriage in real life requires attention and sacrifice. It may sound boring, and not-so-exciting—but that’s what it is. It needs to be protected and nourished, and have ample space for growth. In other words, it shouldn’t be taken for granted – extra caution against things that may threaten the relationship must be exercised at all times. Temptations are obviously a threat, but there are also subtle things such as irresponsibility of one spouse, jealousy, and hurtful comparisons that could cause friction and eventually shake a relationship.

Nourishing a marriage does not mean having a lot of money—it means being thoughtful for each other’s needs, and taking the time off to spend quality time together. When a couple stays married for a number of years, it is automatically assumed that they know each other inside out. The importance of communication in a relationship is undisputed, but it’s no secret that men and women have different ways of communicating. Spoken words have a major impact, but what of those things that are often unsaid? Men are terrible mind-readers, and women often play mind games, which makes it impossible to have clear communication.

Misunderstandings can be easily avoided by saying what needs to be said, in clear, plain words. Speaking directly to the other person and expressing one’s feelings clearly gives the other person a proper opportunity to respond, thus a lesser chance for unnecessary bickers and squabbles. The unending quest for Mr. Right/Ms. Perfect doesn’t stop when a couple enters marriage. It is a common mistake in a relationship when one tries to turn the other person into what they think as the ideal partner. Trying to change a person never works, especially if there are a lot of things that one wants to change.

Acceptance in marriage is vital—different habits and personalities are what make every person unique. Trying to change them will only make the other person feel unaccepted and hurt. Couples find it harder everyday to spend quality time with each other, what with kids, career, and the demands of a hectic everyday life. Spending time becomes synonymous with being in the same room, doing different things—entirely the opposite of the very essence of being together. To spend time with each other means to actively find time to connect with one another, even if it takes a lot of time and effort.

Come to think of it, it takes work to make a marriage happy! There is no recipe for perfection in marriage, nor a prescription for a fabulous one. Marriage is just like any living thing; it needs to be nurtured, cared for until it grows stronger-- not by one, but by two people.