Extramarital affairs are the most devastating experience that can ever happen in your relationship or marriage. The fact that your partner or spouse cheated on you can cause you untold emotional stress. The sense of betrayal and the resultant anger brought on by this breach of trust often makes it impossible for you to see anything rationally.

This is the reason why extramarital affairs so often lead to divorce. When they first come out into the open it's natural to assume that your relationship or marriage couldn't possibly survive such an ordeal.

But that doesn't have to be the case.

Despite the heartbreak, anger and distrust that extramarital affairs inevitably cause it really is possible to rekindle your love and make a new start together, as long as you know how. So often it's the case that couples who do manage to work things out and stay together end up in a much stronger relationship or marriage than they ever had before.

So what have these couples done that you should do too?

1. First get rid of your negative emotions

If you and your cheating partner wish to get back on track, then the first thing you need to do is to get rid of all the negative emotions that you are both feeling. Dwelling on these is not healthy for either of you.

Shouting and screaming at each other will not help and you will achieve much more from a calm space. Easier said than done you may well be thinking but try to remember that things we say in the heat of the moment are so often things we regret later.

The sense of anger and betrayal that you as the cheated partner will feel is quite normal, but if your relationship or marriage is going to have any chance of surviving you can't afford to dwell on this.

The feeling of guilt and remorse felt by you as the cheating partner is a clear sign of your conscience and must be used in a positive way.

Focusing just on the negative will lead to self-pity and depression which will get in the way of fixing your broken relationship.

2. Fill what is lacking

Extramarital affairs usually happen because there's something lacking from your relationship or marriage. If your love, affection, sexual, or emotional needs are not being met by your partner invariably you will look for them to be met by someone else.

Tough as it may sound, this is why you as the cheated partner must look at how you were performing in your relationship and be prepared to take responsibility for that, rather than just pointing the finger at your partner or spouse. You can start this process between you by communicating.

Communication plays an integral role in fixing any broken relationship. As a couple you need to share your emotions, what you were feeling before the affair, during it and what you're feeling now. It's also important to discuss what was lacking in your relationship before and what you need to do together to rectify that.

3. Get back the trust

Extramarital affairs break the trust that you had before. Getting this back can be a very daunting task, but never impossible.

As the cheating partner, it's very important to show your partner that you're sincere in your determination to repair your relationship, that what happened is all in the past and that you have learnt from your mistakes. Your partner needs a constant show of love and affection and must see the effort that you are putting in to win back their trust.

As the cheated partner, concentrate on keeping an open mind and giving your cheating partner a chance. Try to discard all the negative emotions since these can blind you to the effort that your partner is putting in. You'll need to work very hard at this as you can only really move on once you're able to forgive and trust your partner or spouse again.

4. Be patient

Getting over and surviving extramarital affairs takes time. Don't try to rush things and don't pressurise your partner or spouse into anything until they're ready for it.

As the cheating partner you need to accept that your partner's emotions will ebb and flow, particularly in the early stages of your reconciliation. Accept that there will always be 'triggers' that come up and when they do be prepared to act with understanding and sensitivity.

And as the cheated partner be aware that however far you've come there will always be days when you have doubts. When they occur focus on the positive parts of your relationship or marriage and be ready to share your emotions and feelings with your partner.

Overall always focus together on the fact that surviving extramarital affairs and coming out of them even stronger than before really is possible if you are prepared to work at it.

Author's Bio: 

Relationship coaches Doug and Chris Young have attracted huge media attention in the UK since facing massive challenges 25 years into their marriage, overcoming them and coming out of it much stronger. They have created a free 8 part mini course passing on advice on understanding, coping with and surviving infidelity based on what they went through and how they dealt with it. This free course can be obtained from www.askdougandchris.com