Texting in Dating and Relationships: Avoiding the Ten Deadly Mistakes

I think texting rocks! It means that no matter what you are doing you can be in touch with and connected to your loved ones. Texting has absolutely deepened our dating and love relationships. Now your "A" level friends and lovers can be in a constant secret dialogue with you. Of course texting can be overdone and work in reverse: how many times have you seen others texting away and ignoring you or others they are with? As a psychologist I can tell you that there are certain times when that is a recipe for disaster. So you want to take advantage of texting, but in a clever, balanced way.

My dating and love advice is to use your quick-talking thumbs to deepen your relationships in a thoughtful way. And certainly make sure that texting does not backfire and hurt your relationship with a hottie! With that in mind, here are 10 deadly mistakes to avoid when you are dating or in a relationship:

1. Texting is a good way to reach out and follow up with someone you've just met. It is a more immediate way of telling the person you're interested and would like to see him/her again. But if the text is too long and you're running on about stuff that has nothing to do with your date, it can be an immediate turn-off; your new connection may suddenly disappear into the dating netherworlds.

2. Similarly, if you're just starting out, don't over-text. This behavior can be interpreted as being overanxious. Remember you're just testing the waters. As the relationship becomes more serious, you can slowly increase the frequency of communications in order to plan things together, get emotional support or advice, and ultimately to send love messages.

3. Mass texting to ask people out on a date is a desperate act and will backfire later if people compare notes.

4. Texting during a date is simply bad manners. SMSing when you're conversing with someone else is as rude as taking an unnecessary call. What do you think it says about you?

5. Similarly, using text as a habitual way of avoiding speaking on the phone with a partner or lover is sometimes the shy way out and doing so will never get you over your communication fears. You have to come face-to-face with your partner and practice straight truthful talk in order to have a whole and lasting relationship.

6. Revealing something embarrassing in writing is never a good idea. Lewd or overly sexual remarks can catch the recipient off-guard (as at work) and compromise or fluster them. The message can also be shown to others -- making you look like a less-than-stellar catch.

7. Late night texts should be avoided. While many people turn their phones off at night, others forget to do so and there's nothing more annoying than those beeps awakening you. Worse than that, women can often see late night texts as simple booty calls and find them extremely insulting.

8. Too many steamy or romantic texts make you come across as desperate, needy and intrusive in a love relationship. Remember that less is more. Therefore, wait until your partner responds before you retext.

9. Breaking up with someone by text is a definite no-no. Ending a love relationship in this way or by email are signs of cowardice and disrespect both toward yourself and the other person. If at all possible deliver the bad news in person or at the very least in a phone conversation.

10. Driving and texting don't mix. It’s dangerous and your date will rightly worry about your judgment.

Texting is definitely a new means of courting, bonding, creating emotional connection, and planning dates and activities together. But be careful of how you use SMS as it is a two-edged sword and can ruin a relationship. You can learn much more about texting in the dating process plus the latest research on creating love in your life in my new book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.

©2008 Dr. Diana Kirschner