In the last ten years of working almost exclusively with women, one of the themes I’ve noticed is how uncomfortable many women are with the issue of power. For a variety of reasons, power pushes women’s emotional buttons.

I’ve seen women walking on eggshells with their staff, or nearly held hostage by employees, fearful of articulating responsibility and expecting accountability. I’ve seen women make excuses for employees who do not live up to expectations, don’t produce enough, or simply do mediocre work while the company suffers and the bar gets lowered for everyone on the team.

For many women I suspect the word power has a negative connotation. When we notice issues of power in movies, literature, television, or in the news the dynamics of power are dramatized or heightened, and only noticed because power is overused, misused or abused. When power is appropriately used, it’s often invisible.

But if power is bad, then what explains our reaction to the word powerless? Does anyone aspire to being powerless?

As women we sometimes struggle with our own legitimate power, avoiding our power, feeling averse to embracing a powerful role. In so many situations, we come face to face with the reality that we have given away our genuine power, settled for someone else’s version of what we should or shouldn’t do, behaving as though we have no choice.

I wonder if we don’t feel comfortable or capable of exerting authority. Maybe we don’t feel we deserve to. Sometimes we just don’t want to rock the boat. We don’t want to be seen as demanding or hard to please. We most definitely don’t want to be seen as a shrew. Underneath, we’re afraid of what others might think of us. For many women, the opposite of power may not be powerless -- it may be fear.

As women leaders, we want to be seen as understanding, fair and compassionate. That’s great, as long as we are not abdicating or avoiding our appropriate and legitimate power out of fear of what others might think or say. When we abdicate our power we create a vacuum of leadership, without recognizing that our team members and staff would respect a more assertive, confident position.

To get more comfortable with your own legitimate power, turn to the natural world. In every herd of horses, there is a dominant horse, the horse recognized to be “in charge.” This horse is always a mare, commonly called the “alpha mare.” Her duty is to tend to the safety and well being of the entire herd, to signal the entire herd when to move, sleep, eat, drink, or run for safety. She frequently disciplines unruly youngsters, teaching them respectful behavior. The alpha mare has a great responsibility and the herd depends on her to make wise choices and enforce reasonable rules. The entire herd looks to her for leadership, structure and discipline.

I doubt that alpha mares are squirming over their very legitimate power, wondering what the other horses think of them, feeling uncomfortable, or trying to avoid or give away their power. Through the laws of nature they step comfortably into their roles as alpha mares. If they do not lead with confident, legitimate power, their herd can suffer grave consequences.

For another equine example of appropriate power, look at female equestrians. Pair up a 125 pound woman with a 1200 pound horse and the woman’s appropriate use of power becomes critical. The rider must be in charge or serious injury can result. Being in charge does not mean being abusive, cruel or domineering. In fact, it means just the opposite. Through the gentle, consistent use of boundaries, alignment, timing, and learning to communicate in the horses’ language, a woman’s power can be used to direct and channel the horse’s energy into a magnificent display of teamwork, cooperation and athletic ability.

How can we be more like the wise alpha mares? We can begin with accepting and embracing our own personal power as a gift, a talent and an honor. We can shift our perception of power from negative to positive, seeing our ability to use power for good, and letting go of the fear of what others think of us.

Think about the power of Rosa Parks who, in making her decision to not move to the back of the bus, changed the course of the world. Think about the power of Oprah Winfrey to inspire women to live their dreams. Think about the power of Mary Ellen Sheets, the founder of Two Men and a Truck, who has built a successful franchise business, creating opportunities for hundreds of people to own their own business.

As business leaders our power can be used to create jobs, to facilitate teamwork, to inspire, to foster creativity, to improve our communities. We have the power to help our employees learn and grow, to discover their talents and pursue their dreams. We have the power to influence others, to lead others to achieve what they might not accomplish otherwise.

Maybe we can all agree on just one principle: power isn’t bad -- abuse of power is. It’s quite an honor to be the alpha mare. How can we embrace that power use our power for good?

Author's Bio: 

Darcie Harris is an accomplished speaker, consultant, columnist, and media resource on women’s entrepreneurship and the challenges faced by professional women. CEO of EWF International, Darcie can be reached at 405.205.1124, Darcie@ewfinternational.com or online at darcieharris.com.