My admiration for Ariya was growing; this diminutive being that took me under her wing. And as I listened to her strange voice that appeared in my mind, her words became even stranger. She said that some believe that when life ends, there is nothing, just an unconscious, eternal sleep. Others think that they will continue in a spiritual body to re-unite with past relatives and friends, and then reside with celestial beings forever like a big family. She then explained that existence lies somewhere in-between, where I would continue, but not in the way that I had imagined.

She said that I have had many previous human lifetimes, ancient roots so to speak, and that both she and the sorcerer were always there with me. Countless times, I had been a great warrior where I had killed many people; and countless times, I tried to rise above it all. I tried very hard to see through the confusion of the world and find my key, but, alas, I always failed at the last moment. She claimed that the sorcerer felt certain that this lifetime would be different, that with the help of my strong will and with a deepening understanding resulting from efforts in my past lives, I would finally attain the wisdom and vision required to reach my goal.

Then she stopped speaking, and the silence afforded me an opportunity to digest what I had just heard. I really did trust Ariya, unconditionally, but this idea of past lives was disquieting, in one way, although comforting in another; I would not have to get it all done perfectly this time around! I would always have a chance to try again.

I must admit there were things in my life that came easily, as if I had done them before, while others were a struggle. I had always wondered about when I trained as a combatant, and there was an uncanny familiarity with warfare, and why the first time I shouldered a cross bow I knew exactly what to do with it without thinking twice, as if I had shouldered it thousands of times before, not even aiming, yet the arrows found their precise marks every time. I had seen children pick up musical instruments they had never seen and play them beautifully, while other chil;dren take lessons for years with no results. But when I tried to study the complicated books given to me by the priests of the court, there was no interest. I could never memorize more than a few words. These things had always been puzzling to me.

She mentioned freewill, and this confused me as well. I had always just assumed that I was intended for greatness, and that my life was completely predestined, but now I had to consider the frightening possibility that I must chart my own course in life. This meant that I would personally be responsible for my own destiny, being held accountable in some future lifetime for everything and anything I ever did. This inferred that my little black book of deeds was being held and controlled by myself, not some deity, and I would consequently be holding my own feet to the fire in any heaven or hell that I created for myself!

My logical mind and my powerful, well-trained senses were all that I could count on, so then where did Ariya fit into this logical picture? Deep in my heart, I had inklings that this life was far beyond what was obvious to me, and now I wondered what was keeping me from seeing that "beyond." Was my strong logic blinding me from seeing extraordinary things that existed outside of my limited vision? Perhaps the mystical key would take me beyond the limiting world I was trapped in and reveal those other expansive worlds to which my helper alluded.

Ariya, of course, was monitoring my thoughts, whimsically watching me with those uncompromising eyes. "There is no distant or magical place you must travel to, to acquire these answers," She replied. "The wisdom of eternity rests nowhere but within you. Where else could it be? It has always been right there (she pointed to my heart, smiling), but you have been too busy and full of yourself to see it. Because this wisdom is here, within you, you are truly your own teacher. No teacher can uncover this wisdom for you, but there are those who can point you in the right direction. They can help you move out of your own shadow so that the wisdom of eternity has an opportunity to surface, and when it does, it will forever change your destiny. You, however, are the one who must make the effort to change."

Conqueror bolted when the sharp sound of a breaking twig broke the stillness, but the night-enshrouded forest kept its secret. Ariya then, surprisingly, took my large hand in her small, pale ones, and with piercing, unblinking eyes, said, "I promise you; your deepest questions will be answered someday my king, but now I must go. We will meet again on the trail." And just like that, she vanished.

Still nervous, Conqueror led the way back into the shadowy forest that now felt as if it had eyes behind every tree. During the solitary years in these woods, there were times I could swear I was not alone, and although that feeling was as strong as ever tonight, I dismissed it and curled up to get some sleep. If soldiers from the kingdom were hot on my trail, it was only a matter of time before they found me, and when they did, it wouldn't be to welcome me back. (To be continued)

Author's Bio: 

E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-nine years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit www.AYearToEnlightenment.com