This I didn't want to hear. But knowing that it was best to follow a John's advice, I made my way to the cliff and carefully peered over the edge staying as far back as I could. There, one hundred feet below were teeth-like jagged rocks that would impale anyone unfortunate enough to fall from this precipice. I glanced back in the direction of my hut. Could I stay awake without subjecting myself to this kind of insanity? And I found myself walking back, climbing the steps, and resignedly sitting down to do my inner work.

I actually stayed wide-awake for a long time, but eventually I found myself dozing off again, and became so disgusted with myself that I dejectedly stomped back to the cliff.

This indeed was not pleasant. There were only two things I was very uncomfortable with; heights and ghosts, and this cliff was the epitome of my fear of falling. I sat on the ground and scooted toward the edge, not daring to look down. Then I gingerly swung one leg over the edge, then the other while leaning back on my arms, and keeping my balance as far back as I could toward safety. I knew that I would eventually have to sit up in the correct posture to do my inner work, but I had to gain my confidence slowly. I was certainly wide-awake, however!

I carefully, and ever so slowly raised myself into an upright sitting position, still not looking down but painfully aware of my situation, as I began my inner work. It wasn't long before I was sweating profusely, and incredibly awake, imagining that my balance was shifting forward toward the grinning teeth below, and at which point I would quickly lean back on my elbows!

This is how things went for a few hours until I noticed my head nodding! This was unbelievable! How in the world could I be stupid enough to let my head nod in a situation like this? This was not good, and I became wide-awake, only to nod again in a little while. This went on for an interminable amount of time until unbelievably; I woke up to find myself slipping over the side of the cliff! How could this be? One of my most agonizing fears was coming true, and I had no way of stopping it!

I was going over, head first, so I twisted quickly and clawed at the vertical face. Something hit me in the groin as I went sliding down - a small bush growing out of the side of the cliff - and as I slid past, I was able to grab it and hold tight. I screamed for help until I was horse and couldn't scream any more, hanging on and dangling above certain death. The bush was not rooted deeply, and every time I screamed, it would pull out a little further; I didn't have much time. Then, a figure suddenly loomed over me with his hands on his hips, and immediately assumed it was a John keeping an eye on me, but with the sun at his back, I couldn't tell for sure who it was.

Whoever it was continued to stare at me, and then I knew I was finished when whoever it was turned his back and walked away. The bush was now only holding on by a few slim roots and would pull out any moment, so I closed my eyes and waited for that incredible peacefulness that comes when death approaches.

All of a sudden, something hit the back of my head! It was a rope, and as it dangled beside me, I was so weak that I couldn't even grab it. Suddenly, someone jumped over the edge and slid down the rope until he could put his arm around me, holding the rope with the other just as the bush pulled out.

We started our slow ascent, inch by inch, until somehow we made it to the top. My savior brushed himself off, and without saying a word, began walking away. I called out, "Moosawa! Wait a minute."

I untied the rope from the tree where Moosawa had fastened it and handed it back to him. With both our hands on the rope, we looked at each other for a moment. "Why did you save me?" I asked, puzzled.

"I'm not sure."

"You could have let me fall to my death; a legitimate accident, and then taken my body back for the bounty."

"Yes, that crossed my mind."

"So why did you save me?"

"I don't know. When I first arrived, I only pretended to do the inner work, waiting for you to show up, but as the months went by, I became bored just sitting there and actually tried it. This tiny taste of the inner work, along with the openness and love of these dedicated, harmless men, especially a John who knew from the beginning that I was here to kill you, had an unexpected effect on me. My head turned around.

"The night I released the snakes, I was torn. I was beginning to see the futility of escaping the emptiness' these men talk about, by collecting the bounty and living a life of luxury, but the old me' was still in charge. After I was sure that you were bitten, I returned to my hut to await word of your death. Suddenly a point of light descended through my open window and lit on the floor, transforming itself into a beautiful woman. Six months ago before I came here, I didn't believe in immaterial beings - they belonged in children's fairy tales. But now I do.

"I didn't know what to make of it. She talked to me through my mind somehow, and what she said shocked me, as if I was struck by a bolt of lightening. She showed me, in my head somehow, the rest of my life and how it will play out if I continue in my ways. And it terrified me. Then she showed me my future lives of horror and torture, being buried alive and suffocated many times, and grotesque, monstrous beings chasing me in places not of this earth. When I screamed out, she quickly calmed my mind, after which I experienced nothing but indescribable peace and ease.

"After she left, I made my way to your hut to help but could see that you were both suspicious, and when a John looked at me with his hand on my shoulder, I knew my life would never be the same. I made plans to leave the community immediately after you got well, but then something told me to stay just a while longer."

"Did the immaterial being tell you her name," I asked.

"Savaka" He replied.

"Yes, I know Savaka. She is your helper being now. . . . So, where will you go now?"

"I don't know. I feel confused and lost."

"You have become a true key seeker like me, and we are both lost. But I know in my heart that we will find our keys someday, and I wish you only happiness."

"Yes, I wish you happiness as well, my king. I will be leaving in the morning so you will not have to worry about me any longer. I am truly sorry for what I have put you through."

"Yes, I'll remember you every time I look at the scar on my stomach and back from your poorly aimed arrow, and now on my snake-bitten ankle!" Then I smiled and bowed to him with my hands folded at my chest, as we parted company for the last time.

He slowly walked down the trail but something was different about Moosawa; he was standing a little straighter now.

Sleep, not surprisingly, was no longer a problem after this episode, and one night as my inner work deepened, I had my first visions. It happened when my mind finally slowed down enough with my inner work so that I could sustain undisturbed attention on my breath for an hour. What I imagined in the visions were the woman's skeleton from the table and the baby from the hall climbing up my steps . . . clump, clump, clump. Then I imagined leering skulls covering the walls of my hut, and when I screamed out in fright, the visions vanished.

A John always insisted that I mention any strange events during my inner work, so when I mentioned the visions, he knowingly smiled and said, "The first five to ten years of your inner work will sooner or later bring up feelings of fear, and the sooner you conquer these feelings the better. Face fear straight away, and any visions, words, lights, or anything else you see or hear internally should be dismissed without delay; just immediately return to your breath."

He further explained that this underlying fear resulted from the false perception I had of myself. He was addressing what the blacksmith tried to tell me when he said that I was not who I thought I was.

"No progress can be made toward the spiritual life without an equal sacrifice of the material life," a John added. "Merely giving up something in your mind is inadequate and is simply a fallacy and delusion; you must release it permanently in your heart - and this requires insight and wisdom. Eventually, you must sacrifice everything including your belief in your self,' and when you do this, fear will naturally arise because as you begin to renounce the worldly life and give up your self,' you don't know yet if there will be anything on the other side. Therefore, you will be subconsciously fearful and stuck for a while. When we face the emptiness, this is how it always is. We don't have the insight at this point to know that just on the other side of this emptiness is everything, including Reality."

The vision kept frightening the wits out of me, recurring every few nights until finally a John put his foot down. "It is time for you to face your fears!" He said, "You must sit through the entire night, alone, next to the cremation sight, and next to the table holding the woman's skeletal remains until your fear is gone!" I was not happy. This would be worse than the cliff, but I reluctantly agreed to do it.

The following evening, I took my mat and timidly approached the cremation sight not far from the skeleton that was lying on the table with part of its flesh still hanging from its bones. I had always been brave, not afraid to fight anybody or anything, but this was different; this was supernatural! A cold fear gripped my heart like a vise when I saw the table.

Glancing around quickly, especially behind me, I placed my mat on the ground next to the cremation fire and tried to carry on with my inner work. No luck, I vividly imagined the skeleton sitting up and walking toward me, and I was sure that the bones and skull cooling in the recent fire were inching my way; and even that the baby was crawling out of the hall. I didn't move; I couldn't! I just sat there enshrouded in the black night, sweating it out in white-knuckled fear.

It must have been around one o'clock in the morning when I heard a soft rustle behind me in the leaves. Then something bumped my leg. Something was crawling into my lap! I was petrified! Was it the skeleton; was it the baby, the skull? I couldn't move a muscle except for my eyeball, as I slowly looked down. ( To be continued)

Author's Bio: 

E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-nine years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com