Joseph Campbell said “I don’t believe that anyone knows what sex is. It’s the greatest mystery in human life…” Starting here, I believe is the most honest place for thinking about books on sexuality. It assumes that we give up our notions of right and wrong about sexual preferences, practices and ideas. It means that we strip away the moral and cultural codes that define sexuality and give ourselves permission to feel normal in whatever ways we move toward our own sexual experiences and expression. Bringing fun and insightful books into your marriage can inspire conversations that build intimacy and provide fuel for the work of keeping your intimacy alive and fresh.

The expansive mystery that is sexuality is also the explanation for the myriad of titles, topics and intents that sexual literature includes. If I were to break them down into categories of book types it would include: the how to books, the picture books, the erotic literature, the pornographic books, tantra books, the unique sex focus books and the revitalizing your sex life books. Popular authors on the topic each have their own unique voice, so finding someone that can speak to you is not that difficult, yet important. Be sure to read a little about the author and their qualifications so that you trust the information and point of view that is being shared. Having met the woman who wrote on being a “Sexy Mama”, only to find out she had never been pregnant made me seriously question her ideas about how a woman should feel about sex weeks after giving birth.

Many of the how to, picture and pornographic books focus on the physical aspect of sexuality and provide excellent photos and educational content in learning the positions and manner of getting the job done. The DK Series on sexuality is well done and tastefully presented. Some of my other favorite titles in this category include; Sexual Intelligence by Kim Cattrall, The Sex Bible by Susan Crain Bakos, and Sex – The Whole Picture by Nicole Beland. If you are less interested in photos than funny but insightful prose on the topic of oral sex, try the popular books by Ian Kerner, She Comes First and He Comes Next

Imagination is more important than knowledge…and when it comes to books on sex, a little erotic literature can go a long way. There are many great annual reviews of high class erotica including Best Sex Writing 2006 with new versions every year, Sweet Life 2- Erotic Fantasies for Couples, Best Women’s Erotica, Taboo: Forbidden Fantasies for Couples all by the author Violet Blue. She is one of the most well known and well read experts in the sex field and writes on everything from the cunnilingus to the care and keeping of Sex Toys. Giving yourself permission to feed the sexual part of your brain will do wonders for the rest of the sexual body. It is the organ that is most neglected when it comes to good sex, and can completely turn things around when you find yourself in a sexual rut.

There are so many titles on the spiritual side of sex and many of them refer to the ancient art of Tantra and the yogic spiritual system that it grew from. Anne Hooper’s book, Kama Sutra for 21st Century Lovers and Sex with Spirit by Michele Pauli are just a few of the book offerings available if you browse through the book selection at Exploring this deep spiritual side of sex is also accomplished with out the use of photos and sex positions in Gina Ogden’s latest release on the transformative power of intimacy called The Heart and Soul of Sex.

There are also a great number of titles on healing sexual relationships and reigniting the passion in your love life. Because most of us never got more than the cursory labeling of body parts in our sex ed. classes, these types of books can provide a great basis for understanding the range of “normal” sexual functioning- here is a hint- it is a very wide bell curve. These books also provide helpful tools for dealing with problems that are way more common than most of us realize. One of the best is David Schnarch’s recent book called Resurrecting Sex. Other titles that I recommend include: Sexual Healing by Barbara Keesling, Reclaiming Your Sexual Self by Kathryn Hall, The Ten Minute Sexual Solution by Darcy Luadzers.

Sex books make great gifts for your lover too. Offering a chance to read aloud or share photos of what you each think is sexy is an easy way to get the fire started and laugh together. The 101 Nights of Grrreat Sex and The 101 Nights of Grrreat Romance are actually packaged with each page as a gift to open together. What is important isn’t so much the titles that you choose, or that you would even be interested in the same books, but that you build a library of intimacy together. Sharing new and different ideas about what sex means to each of you and what you each need to feel safe to explore is sure to strengthen and enhance your time together.

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