I made my way back toward the monastery and noticed a middle-aged man waiting near the entrance; he had his hands clasped, indicating that he would like to speak with me. When I walked over to where he was waiting, he said, “Thank you for a moment of your time. I must make a difficult decision and was hoping you could help."

I nodded my head in acknowledgment.

“When I first came to this area," he began, “I was very happy. The weather was different, I had many new things to see and do, I met interesting new friends, and I was able to find satisfying work. I felt that this place was where I would live for the rest of my life. But lately, I have been thinking I might be happier if I move away. Now I find the weather not so agreeable, and as I become more familiar with many of the people I once admired, I find them to be not as interesting as I once thought. I am tired of my work, and no longer derive any satisfaction from it.

“Why are you distressed by this impending decision," I asked him.

The man glanced down at the forest floor for a moment, “The way I am feeling now is no different than when I decided to move here — I was fed up with everything where I was living. Now I am tired of everything here and want to make another fresh start somewhere else so that I can be happy again," he confessed.

When I asked him why he was uneasy regarding this, it was a rhetorical question, of course. I knew that a new place and new things would certainly make the man temporarily happy because I remembered how quickly I tired of things when I was young.

The man agreed that everything would be fine for a while in a new place. “I will be honest with you," he said, “I am uneasy because I have moved around quite a bit in my life. But now, I’m getting older, and I don’t seem to have as much confidence as before. Frankly, I’m getting frightened. My amusements last a shorter period of time after each move, and I don’t have as much energy as I once had. Now, the happiness fades more quickly with each move, and lately, I find difficulty in being amused at all, with anything, and with this feeling of boredom and depression, I have no recourse other than continually moving on. I am afraid that someday the moving won’t help, or that I will be too sick to move. Then what?"

The man hung his head again, and I couldn’t help feel a great compassion for him and our fellow human beings, so desperately trying to find happiness, and so afraid of the emptiness. I was no different at one time.

I remained quiet for a moment, so that the man could reflect. Then I said:

“There are some who must move on, but others are afraid to move, and our attempted escapes enslave us either way. We become older, and when we do, the amusements of life slowly lose their appeal, and although we think it is merely a matter of finding the right town or the right friends, no place or acquaintances can live up to the illusions of our youth. The wide door to our many escapes then begins to narrow.

“Our minds are fearless and open when we are young, allowing us to be completely alive and in each moment without old memories and baggage. We easily adapt to new situations and diverse friends, but as the years go by, we change in many ways, one of them being an increased discrimination and prejudicial judgment rooted in fear, and based on our accumulated experiences. We become set in our habits, and when things don’t go our way, discontent arises. Time also compresses; ten years in youth will become three years in old age because we have seen, untold times, the things a young person will see for the first time. The journey home is always swifter."

He looked distressed. He didn’t want to hear any of this but had no choice. “Please, I know what you are saying, and it is true, but so difficult to accept," he replied.

“Do you wish me to continue, for what I say you might not be pleasant," I asked.

“Yes," he said, “of course, continue. I’m sorry."

“Seeing new things and having new experiences will always appear to stretch time, this is why we escape into diversity. Sooner or later, however, we can no longer find anything new or interesting, then we come up against what we have been running from our entire lives; our wall of discontent, and we realize that there is nothing in this world that we can really count on. Then we finally see the truth, which is emptiness. It is this emptiness that we have been avoiding all of our lives with our mindless pursuits."

I hesitated for a moment to see if he wanted me to continue. What I was saying was not uplifting for a man who had everything invested in this world and depended upon it for his happiness. Reality is Reality however, and the way of Zen masters is not to manipulate words; they let the chips fall where they may. For those who have made the turn from the world, to deeper pursuits, this Reality is not depressing in the least, quite the contrary; it is a ray of hope. Reality only hurts in the hearts of those caught in the quicksand of the world. The world had this man by the throat.

He looked up and said, “For some time, somewhere deep inside, I have been aware of the things you speak of, but still, I continue to hope for that perfect situation where everything would be good again. But I’m beginning to realize that it doesn’t exist, and all that I’m finding is loneliness. I am grateful that you didn’t give me a typical sermon saying how wonderful things are, and how if I would just keep my mind busy and keep a bright outlook everything would be fine. This is what somebody once told me, they went as far to say that I was too pessimistic and that if I changed my mental attitude and began thinking positively, my life would improve."

“Many people who are ready to embark on the spiritual path are told by uninsightful people that they are too pessimistic," I answered, “and the fact is, from a worldly point of view, they are unenthusiastic, because they have stopped fooling themselves. They have begun to understand that anything acquired is easily taken away, and that anything found is easily lost.

“Therefore, they see quite clearly the danger of relying on the shifting sands of the world for their permanent security. This revelation, however, leaves them in a dilemma; they don’t yet have Truth or Reality to fall back on, they only see emptiness, and being unprepared to face this emptiness, this Shunyata, they are never able to see through to the other side. Seeing their dilemma clearly, however, moves them out of the darkness so that they can begin to move toward Reality." You are caught in the experience of physical existence and unable to transcend it. Until you do, as long as you attempt to escape the Reality of physical existence and the suffering it entails, instead of standing firmly like a warrior and facing it, you will never acquire the passion necessary to see past earthly existence."

His hapless eyes indicated that I should continue.

“Those who remain in darkness and are incapable of seeing clearly require help of a different nature than you, because they are too terrified to look at reality. My close proximity to them without troubling their minds, and without frightening them with truth, is the extent of the assistance I can offer. In the mean time, they will still find pleasure in their expectations, but the results of those expectations — the realty at the end of those dreams — will someday devastate them. Then they will grow old and outlive their fantasies, and having nothing left, will either fall into great depression and anger, or succumb to some weak finality; some belief promoted by this group or that group, and never have the satisfaction of knowing for themselves."

“I don’t want this to happen to me," he said. “I won’t surrender to that."

“Perhaps you are a warrior," I said. “At any rate, you are a different case. You have seen the futility of searching for lasting happiness in the world of uncertainty and simply need reassurance regarding your observations. You are actually quite advanced, and really have no alternative but to seek a deeper reality, even though you might continue your futile attempts at worldly escapes for some time. This is the nature of Karma."

“I am quickly running out of escapes, sir."

“Yes, we all are, and that is a perceptive observation, but please understand that karma does not die readily. Patterns of escape are similar to habits or addictions – they are painful to break. We are caught in a bear trap, where it is painful to both remain in the trap or tear ourselves out. Likewise, it is always our choice whether to linger in our familiar bondage or to risk freedom. From what you are telling me, you are able to discern that staying in the old familiar bondage eventually wears thin, and comes to a dead-end, so it is painful to continue in the trap. However, tearing out of the trap involves facing the reality of discontent without the luxury of an immediate escape, for freedom requires a change and investigation of the heart, which is extremely painful in the beginning. Whether or not you have the courage to face this depends quite a lot on your experiences in past existences."

“I don’t know how much courage I have," he confessed. When I feel lonely, I cannot help but look for a relationship, one after another. It is so terrifying to be alone; so frightening and threatening. Loneliness covers me like a blanket."

“You will never know the limits of your courage until you test it. You are middle aged now, and the rest of your time will go by quickly, not unlike a hazy, repetitive dream. Upon the death of this temporary body, you will find yourself either attached to this transient world, or inclined to give it up and go on. This inclination, one-way or the other, will determine your fate. If you love life and still believe that the world will satisfy you, then look forward to coming back many times and going through this experience repeatedly."

He paused, looking into the forest and considering the reality of going through many more lifetimes, and recalling the fear and stress that accompanied this one.

“I can tell you these things," I cautioned, “but until you feel them in your heart,", “until the pain of this worldly existence makes itself known, you will probably not consider seriously what I tell you. If you do consider what I say, then the way to feel them in your heart is to sit calmly and let your mind relax from its desperate escapes. Face your discontent and the reality of emptiness.

“Meditation will cut through much of your confusion quickly, but few have the courage or the time to see the significance of this sitting in silence. Appearances can be deceiving; a meditator sitting in the zendo looks to be asleep with nothing happening, but in truth, everything is happening. It is just occurring at deep levels and not apparent to an unrefined mind. It is interesting that the more familiar we become with meditation, the more interesting it becomes, and the more familiar we become with the world, the more contemptible it becomes.

“I must go now, my friend, but let me assure you that if you ever feel inclined to begin meditation, sincere effort will bring results in many ways. You will find yourself being less confused and angry. Your attitude toward others will be more cooperative and less competitive, and your inclination to attach and cling to harmful things will decrease while there will be less aversion and a natural openness toward inspiring things.

“Desires will be less lustful, and you will be less conceited. You will become less cynical and skeptical as your concerns of being lied to disappear, simply because you will see through each lie, leaving you with a feeling of compassion for those who are so confused, insecure, and fearful that they are forced into falsehood. Your restlessness and sadness will subside as energy levels increase, and as you become more sensitive to unkind acts, you will know the far-reaching results of those actions, and how they affect you, as well as everybody you touch.

“The worries over your failures in the world and concerns over such things as your death or the death of family and friends will become less of a burden, and your sorrow will diminish appreciably. Physical and mental pain will largely cease, as you will become familiar with the common characteristics of existence; those of impermanence, discontent and no self."

His eyes revealed an intense interest, as if he had a momentary insight, but then he admitted that he wasn’t sure if he had the courage to change his course in life at this late date.

“Only your heart can tell you whether or not you are ready for meditation, this deep personal inquiry," I said, “so listen carefully to your heart, for it is a still, quiet voice, and the truth is always subtle."

This was more than enough for him to think about now, so I bowed, indicating the conversation was over. He was on his way to the truth, I was sure of that, and I silently wished him complete happiness in his quest, as he slowly walked away, pondering his future.

Author's Bio: 

E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-eight years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com