To Call - Or Not To Call

One consistent question from readers and clients is, “Should I call him?” The answer is almost always a big, “Yes!”

Did you just meet someone you felt a lot of chemistry with? Were you dating someone for a few weeks but he hasn’t called you this week? Or did you see an attractive girl in the library, your eyes connected, and you didn’t talk – but your friend told you her name?

Do you need to know what to do? Yes, you should call. Any potential dating interest is worth one call.

One of my clients shared a sad but too-real story. She was fixed up on a blind date with a great guy. They met for lunch, and wound up walking and talking until midnight. She thought she had met The One! He asked her out for the next day. She apologized and said she was going away for a month on a trip to Europe with old friends. They both agreed that they would see each other when she returned.

Mistake number one. While she was away, she thought of calling him. However, she felt that might seem too forward, or like she was chasing him. She fought the urge to pick up the phone.

Mistake number two. He could not call her because she didn’t have an international cell phone set up.

Mistake number three. When she returned home, she waited for him to call her. He didn’t. Finally, after another week, she called him. He apologized profusely and said he didn’t know how to tell her. While she was away, he had another blind date. Lonely, unable to talk to her, not knowing how she really felt, he decided to go since it seemed harmless. Unfortunately for my client, he was still dating the “new blind date.”

These are the kinds of mistakes we make by being too tentative, by fearing rejection, and by waiting for the other person to make the move. When the guy or girl is a great person, if you wait too long, someone else will definitely find them.

Here is the etiquette and dating good sense for calling:

1. Do Call
If you have met someone interesting, whether you are a man or a woman, do not be afraid to call. You can send an email but you can’t be sure they got it unless they answer it right away. If you have not heard from this new person in 24 hours – give them a call.

2. Calling at Work
If you only have a work number, keep the message or conversation short. Leave your name, where you met, and your return phone number twice. So many people leave their number on voice mail and cannot be understood. Say it clearly, twice so there will be no misunderstanding.

If you have the person’s home number, call at an appropriate hour after work. NEVER make a first call late at night, (unless your name is Penelope Cruz or Brad Pitt.)

3. Perceived Rejectio

This is where you need some gumption. The phone call may not work out the way you want it to. The person may be cold, aloof, or abrupt. Talk with them for a few minutes anyway. If they don’t warm up after you’ve been your most charming self, say good bye. And just so you don’t focus on thinking you’ve been rejected, go and do something you LOVE to do with a friend. Go bowling, play tennis, go dancing, work out at the gym, or take a yoga class. You need to get up and get actively engaged in something so depression or negative thoughts don’t set in.

Here are the rules when you think you’ve been rejected:
• Immediately change your thoughts about him or he
• Do something action orientedn • Do not sit at home brooding

4. Go Back To The Drawing Board
Make new plans to meet people to date. Keep your mind out of that pity party you might start to slide into. You are not a victim. You are a person of discerning taste who does not want to reach out for a relationship that is not there – nor do you have time to invent it.

5. When not to call
When the person belongs to someone else –do not call. If he only showed a mild interest in you – do not call. And if you have called him more than once – do not call.

Gather your lovely dignified self together and remember that tomorrow is another day of opportunities. You can find them everywhere and enjoy the process while you’re looking. Don’t turn the telephone into a drama machine. It’s your opportunity tool, and - it’s just a call. nnnnn