1. Misunderstanding what a relationship is all about.

A relationship is an opportunity to give, rather than take. If one or both partners have plastered on their forehead, "What's in this for me," things will get dicey. The key to a successful relationship is always uncompromising trust, and trust encompasses many aspects of a relationship such as trusting that each partner has plastered on his or her head, "What's in this for my partner?"

2. Thinking that one strategy will cure all ills in a relationship.

Each of the many and various situations that come up in a relationship requires a unique approach. Everything changes moment to moment, year to year. Situations change, people change, and we must take all of this into consideration when we interact with each other. This takes awareness and effort, and is a way of exhibiting our love and affection for our partner, so that a mutual trust can develop.

3. Not understanding that the initial affection will wane.

When we attach to anything in a relationship, including but not limited to our partners reactions, we set ourselves up for disappointment. With eyes wide open, we should look at each circumstance in light of all the changes that have happened and that are happening. Our feelings for each other will change daily, hourly, and we must get beyond these surface feelings if our relationship is to mature. Feelings are fleeting.

4. Inability to switch from initial thrill seeking and pleasure to a more mature bond.

It's not possible to maintain a constant high; even drug addicts will confirm this. Enjoy the feeling while it lasts, but don't expect it to continue forever. Consider what you will do and how you will react when it eventually changes into an everyday life. In everyday life, when our minds are focused on the reality of that which is directly in front of us, a powerful energy is produced. When we no longer take for granted everyday situations, a door opens to the most profound understandings within the ordinariness of life

5. Seeing yourself as different from your partner, in fundamental ways.

There are differences between you and your partner, but the differences aren't fundamental. If you can understand that you are both the same at a deep level, then the surface disagreements can be easily worked out. Both of you want happiness, security, and love.

6. Inability to relax without constant activity and excitement.

Keeping up the illusion of constant excitement wears on a relationship. You might feel that if you are not exciting, your partner will lose interest. The best way to counteract this fear is to tell your partner that you love him or her for themselves, and not what they do to entertain you. Then you can relax yourself, and build a mature relationship on the foundation of trust and confidence in each other.

7. Not taking personal responsibility for the relationship.

A relationship doesn't automatically work. Effort is involved at every aspect. The main effort is to see the needs of the other, that is primary, and then doing what you can to fulfill those needs. If we become self-centered or insist that our particular needs are more important than the others, then fighting and arguments erupt. Our relationship, and how we work on it, must have priority on any material things that we desire

8. Believing that a relationship in itself will fulfill all of your needs.

We have needs other than relationship. All relationships are destined to fail when one or the other partner is no longer there. If we become so attached to our partner that we have not considered the deeper aspects of life and death, then we will have nothing to fall back on when the inevitable happens. A solid spiritual understanding and practice, to be mutually agreed upon, are good foundations and compassionate ways of giving something that is priceless to your partner for the day when you may be gone. This is as important, if not more so, than financial security

9. Thinking that without a relationship, you are not whole.

Relationship is not restricted to people. We have a relationship with everything around us, including nature. The most important relationship, however, is the one we have with ourselves, and how we feel about ourselves. We are complete Just as we are. Understanding this from the beginning is what makes a relationship exceptionally strong. The absence of dependency fosters a mature development that enables the capacity to easily recognize the other's needs.

10. Concentrating on your partner's flaws and not seeing your own.

To see our own flaws is difficult. To see others flaws is easy. Why is that? It is because seeing and conquering our own flaws require inner strength and awareness, whereas seeing other's flaws involves forcing on others our own opinions of how they should be. One requires inner strength; the other requires force. One requires the lessening of ego; the other builds the ego. The problem is, in order to build our own ego in a relationship usually requires tearing down the other' ego. The trick is not building either your own ego or your partners, but building mutual respect and love. And the best way to do this is through complete trust in each other to work toward your mutual goals

( NEXT: Top Ten Relationship Mistakes (Complex - Part 3 of 3)

Author's Bio: 

E. Raymond Rock of Fort Myers, Florida is cofounder and principal teacher at the Southwest Florida Insight Center, http://www.SouthwestFloridaInsightCenter.com His twenty-nine years of meditation experience has taken him across four continents, including two stopovers in Thailand where he practiced in the remote northeast forests as an ordained Theravada Buddhist monk. His book, A Year to Enlightenment (Career Press/New Page Books) is now available at major bookstores and online retailers. Visit http://www.AYearToEnlightenment.com