Reverend Ed Young, founder of a nondenominational church in Texas, made an unusual proposal to his congregation a few months ago. He suggested that married couples in his church make an agreement to have sex with one another every day for seven days. This “sexperiment” was intended to help married couples enhance their relationship as they re-focus on connecting with one another. And Reverend Young underscored it all as he affirmed that "...God is the one who made love. He invented it, and he wants true believers to make love."

We think that you could choose to take part in such a “sexperiment” regardless of your religious affiliation or spiritual beliefs or even whether or not you and your partner are legally married. We don't necessarily follow everything espoused by Reverend Young, but we do think that experimenting within your relationship could be a spark starter.

It can happen in even the “best” relationships. The excitement, romance and passion of your first months and years together fades as you and your partner settle in to life together which may include children and probably also involves jobs, home care, extended family concerns, hobbies, etc. Life seems to speed up. What once felt like just the two of you with the rest of the world in the background is now more like the two of you in a very busy world trying to snatch bits of time together.

In the midst of the busyness and ever-growing complexities of your lives, misunderstandings, disappointments and disconnection can develop. Pretty soon, you might wonder if you made up that passionate, spark-filled time you remember. Or you might even feel resentful that your mate doesn't make your heart sing the way he or she used to.

When you really look at your relationship, you'll probably discover that the lifelessness that you two have settled into is not just one person's “fault.” In fact, if you focus on blame, you are only going to take yourself further away from the person you would like to move closer to!

Acknowledging that you want more passion and connection with your love is a wonderful first step. We suggest that a next step toward re-igniting the spark between you two might be to create an experiment. Start playing around with the ways you and your mate interact and treat one another and see what happens.

Here are some “ground rules” we suggest when embarking on a relationship experiment.
*Talk with your partner about what you want to move toward in your relationship.
*Listen with openness to what he or she wants. (Again, steer clear of a blame game where neither of you will be able to feel much spark.)
*Make an agreement about what type of relationship experimenting you'd like to explore and set up a trial period of time you'll try these new ways of being together.
*Stay open and adventurous but don't agree to an experiment that feels violating or induces fear in you.
*Keep your experimenting light and fun when at all possible!

Experiment with communication
You don't have to begin a “sexperiment,” as Reverend Young proposed, in order to re-ignite the spark between yourself and your partner. By trying out conscious changes in the ways you two communicate with one another, you might find you connect and interact with more passion and love. Together you could check out a website, book or audio on compassionate communication, for example and incorporate new techniques for sharing into your everyday lives. Our program “Stop Talking on Eggshells” is another resource filled with suggestions for connecting communication.

If you'd like a simpler start to experimenting in this way, try these beginning steps: Shift your words to describing how you feel with “I feel” statements. Ask for more information from a place of curiosity when you are confused rather than jumping to conclusions. Listen with presence and openness.

Experiment with fun
Spark in a relationship and a sense of fun seem to go hand in hand. For some reason, notions of maturity and adulthood take on a seriousness which doesn't always leave room for fun. We think that there's plenty of space for joviality and lightness in a committed and spark-filled relationship.

You can experiment with fun by trying out new activities together. Do something you don't normally do. Perhaps it is a spontaneous trip away by yourselves or maybe you two go roller skating together at a local rink. You could even read an adventure novel together and talk about it-- act it out if you feel dramatic! Rent or check out from the library a movie that you wouldn't normally watch and cuddle up together to explore this new genre.

Mix it up when it comes to fun and allow yourselves to play.

Experiment with sharing lovemaking
Many of the members of Reverend Young's congregation who took his advice to heart and tried the 7 day “sexperiment” reported positive effects on their marriage. Some said that they were given the opportunity to forgive their mate as they made love each day that week. Others noticed that they were able to devote more time and energy than they usually do to connecting in sensual ways with their spouse-- even with busy lives including jobs, children and home care.

You and your partner may also decide to experiment with how you physically share love. Like the “sexperiment,” you might choose to increase the frequency of your lovemaking and watch what happens. This could also mean you explore new techniques or ways to make love. There are many tasteful resources available that offer ideas.

It could also take the form of non-sexual sharings of your love. You might learn some basic massage methods, for example, and treat one another to a luxurious experience. During your experimenting, try out a variety of ways to physically share love-- both sensual and sexual.

Allow your imagination to go wild! Be courageous enough to propose a relationship experiment to your love and then see if you both like how it feels. If you two enjoy the play and feel like you are moving closer together, the sparks are probably re-igniting. Celebrate and experiment some more!

Author's Bio: 

For a free mini-course from relationship coaches Susie and Otto Collins that will teach you how to re-ignite the spark in your relationship, visit startthespark.com.