Hi Doc!

My girlfriend and I broke up about 5 weeks ago. I’m 22 and we have been dating 3 years - on and off for 5. She broke up with me because of the way I was treating her, I was being a pretty bad boyfriend. So, after 5 weeks we had a talk and she was willing to open her heart for me to come back in being a better person.

This is where I have my question.

We put out some ground rules and she wants to take baby steps toward getting back together. It’s been a week and she texts me all day while she’s at work, and even drew a doodle with my name, but she won’t let me get to close. We have only hugged and I kissed her on the cheek.

Is she taking it really slow or just playing me off? Granted I haven’t tried to make any moves out of fear of ruining the chance I have. How long should I be willing to wait for something to happen? I mean after 2 weeks if we haven’t even kissed its kinda weird isn’t it?



Yes, it's kinda weird!

What's going on isn't about her "taking it slow". That's absolutely ridiculous! In fact, what's happening is that she's punishing you. Only when she feels that you are going to be a good boy will this ever end - if ever at all!

Really, this isn't healthy in the least. It's not healthy from a relationship stand point (and certainly not "mature"), it's not healthy for her, and it is absolutely unhealthy for you! I suggest you put this crap to bed already. Stop being so scared of losing things with her! Is this really the sort of relationship you wanted? I'd hope not!

The next time you see her, say, "Ok, I've been punished enough. This 'taking it slow' garbage is over - done. No more of it. Either you're your my girlfriend or you're not. If you're not, I'm going to go find someone else that is. If you are, start acting like her."

Now, I know you're terrified; (frankly, of what, I don't know - more of this mistreatment???), but you're going to find that this little speech changes her attitude entirely. It's designed that way.

Someone has to be in charge of the relationship. This is YOUR job as the guy. Frankly, you've given up your job as a concession and accepted punishment from her for it. That's not a relationship at all; it's a parent-child situation and is just as humiliating as it is unhealthy.

Get this fixed right now!

Best regards…
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Dr. Neder is known around the world as a tough, but fair relationship expert, dealing with all sorts of dating, sex and relationship issues from a man's perspective. He has written 14 books ("Being a Man in a Woman's World™" series) and is working on 2 others. He's also written hundreds of articles, answered over 26,000 reader/viewer questions and has been on over a thousand radio and TV shows. "Dr. Dennis" is funny, direct and intuitive and has a unique ability to get right to the heart of the issue.

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