Why Our Mothers Matter

Mother’s Day is this Sunday, and of course, it puts me in mind of my own mother who left this Earth twelve years ago. I miss her every day. It also reminds me of several clients and friends talking to me about their mothering experiences. Just this week alone, I heard …

- of a mother whose legacy makes her daughter frantic about scheduling so that she says no when she means yes;

- of a mother whose daughter has ejected mama from her twentysomething life and the convolution about that related to Mother’s Day;

- of a mother whose premature death has deeply affected the lives of her two young daughters;

- of a mother whose religious beliefs nearly guarantee the rejection of her gay son newly diagnosed as HIV positive;

- of a mother whose rejection of the long-term companion/beau of her over-fifty daughter means that they cannot have meaningful conversations;

- of myself as a young mother whose child died the day he was born so that I am a parent, but not a mother.

Mothers each and all, and such a mishegas! (Yiddish: crazy-making)

Why? Why? Why?

Why is there such insanity around mothers and mothering and motherhood?

Because mothers are so important!

I never met a person who had a perfect one, never, but that doesn’t diminish the importance of mothers in our lives. Think of it: mother was the first consistent reflection you ever saw of yourself as an incarnate being.

Mother knew you before anyone else did.

Mother was responsible for your daily care most probably.

Mother taught you facial expressions.

Mother spoke and sang to you teaching you how to make sounds.

There is no mammal on earth who doesn’t have a mother, not one. And here is the painful truth: we project so much onto our mothers that we very rarely give ourselves permission to see them for who they really are. Women. Every mother is an ordinary woman with a spirit, a soul and a body doing her best
to learn, grow, and thrive here for herself.

Perhaps you’ve heard that Mother’s Day was first created in 1870 by Julia Ward Howe, the author of The Battle Hymn of the Republic,” as a clarion call for peace. I too call for peace this Mother’s Day.

Make peace with your mother, dear heart, whoever you are and whoever she is. You’re both doing the best you can with what you’ve got at all times even if your opinions diverge about that fact. Mothers are people, too.

Oh, Mama, I miss you.