You Stink

"Well, you are just ugly and you really STINK too!" I was stunned, embarassed and devastated all in the same moment. You know how when major things happen in your life, you always remember everything about it? Well, this was one of those moments for me because that one sentence changed my life for the worst for almost two years!

I was just 14 years old and a freshman in high school when it happened, but I can still picture it in my mind like it was yesterday. I was an awkward kid with low self-esteem already (as many freshmen are), but on this particular day when I walked in to Mr. Henderson's English class, I had no idea what was about to hit me. I sat on the far right in the second desk in an end row that was right next to the wall. It was right across from Yvonne's desk. I'm sure you had an Yvonne in one of our classes in school too. She was fairly popular and pretty, but could have been a perfect cast member for the movie, "Mean Girls."

I was the quiet-type usually, but for some reason on this particular day, Yvonne said something (which I don't even remember) and I thought it was a good opportunity to try and show my witty side to join in the conversation. It was a feable atempt to wedge myself into the inner circle of high school popularity, but it went over like a fart in a space suit! As I sat there just staring at Yvonne, she whipped around and gave me a look that could have killed and shouted the rude statement so the whole class could hear it. It was so loud that inside my head, she may as well have announced it on the school intercom system because it made it clear that I did not belong. Even worse was the fact she made the proclamation that, "you stink," which to me felt like a label that was suddenly tatooed on my forehead for all of eternity.

Suddenly, I really started to believe that maybe I did stink and something was wrong with me. I heard it in my mind over and over and over again. I started avoiding people, I had my mother chnage the way she did our laundry and I even went to a doctor to be examined, because suddenly all I could think about was that I really stunk. Even though everyone assured me that I was anything but a stinky person, I didn't believe them. It got so bad that I convinced my mother to allow me to transfer to another school because I feared the label would never go away as long as things stayed the same.

But running away from the school didn't change anything. When I did transfer to the new school, the problem didn't go away and I still believed that I stunk there too! I started skipping classes and eventually, I just stopped going to school all together because I was so afraid to be humiliated again. I even considered quitting school all together. The funny part was that at this point, almost 8 months later, no one but me even remembered what started this problem in the first place. In fact, Yvonne probably never even thought about it outside of those very few seconds when it happened, but I was stuck in time and not moving forward.

The thing that finally pulled me out of the tail spin was a visit to a friend of mine who had quit school at 16 years old. I was convinced that by visiting my friend, I would give myself added inspiration to just quit school and move on with my life. Fortunately for me, the exact opposite happened. My friend was a person that I never wanted to be, and as I sat there listening to him tell me how great it was to not have to go to school and be in the real world, I suddenly realized that I needed to take control again and do things on my terms. I had thrown so much away because of a girl who was making a bitchy comment and I made it real in my own mind and lived as if it was a fact for almost a year.

When I took control again and realized that the only opinion that matters about who I am is my own, everything changed again. But this time for the right reasons and on my own terms. It was a huge lesson that I learned early in life, but I know for so many of you, it may be something you're dealing with now. Let go of any ideas that others hold the key to your happiness and get Tuned In to what you believe about yourself. Go with that and you will never have to spend a minute feeling you are not good enough, pretty enough, or whatever else someone may have said to make you feel small again. I know it's hard, trust me, but you can do it. Just reframe those statements to see them for what they really are and don't give them any meaning. Do it and you'll never have a vivid memory of them again.