A Marriage Saving Wager

There you are, trying to decide whether your marriage can be saved, or if you even want to save it! Many times, we find ourselves struggling and struggling, ready to just give up. We tell ourselves that it just isn't worth it, but then find ourselves looking for information.

That usually means you aren't quite ready to "throw in your towel." So, why not take what I am calling "Baucom's Wager?"

What is Baucom's wager? Glad you asked. But first, you get a short history/philosophy lesson. I promise it won't be painful.

Back in the 1600's, philosopher Blaise Pascal was struggling with the many topics that could not, at that time, be proven. He was pushing for people to use reason. Into that fray he stepped, trying to address belief in God. The obvious then is still the obvious: God remains unprovable (and undisprovable) by science. So, Pascal saw it as a matter of faith.

He proposed a wager that is now know as Pascal's Wager. The wager is this "People should believe in God, as it makes reasonable sense. If you believe in God, and there is no God, you have lost nothing. If you believe in God, and there is God, you have gained everything. If you don't believe in God, and there is God, you lose everything." In essence, the only losing position was not believing in God, and finding that there is God. For Pascal, it was clear that it only made sense to believe in God.

Now, here is Baucom's Wager. I apply it to whether or not you should work to save your marriage. Don't worry, it is not about God, merely that I am borrowing Pascal's frame. So, here is my Wager:
* If you work on your marriage, and it cannot be saved, you have lost nothing.
* If you work on your marriage and save it, you have gained your relationship.
* If you do not work on your marriage, you have lost the relationship.

In essence, it is reasonable to work on the relationship. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! In fact, if you look at the wager, it is obvious that you should work on your marriage. Until the marriage is over, or until you are truly ready to stop, keep up the resuscitation!

During my first-aid training, I remember one fact drilled into our heads: once you start resuscitation, don't stop until the doctor says stop. The reason is simple: no matter how dead the person may look, you don't know when he or she may resuscitate. In other words, no matter how dead your relationship may look or feel, you don't know what you might do or say in your efforts that may revive it.

Sometimes, the difference between failure and success in anything is the willingness to keep trying. This is absolutely true for this circumstance! I have seen marriages that everyone thought were dead and buried suddenly become powerful relationships, full of love and future.