A Self-Test for Singles: How Ready Are You for an Emotionally Intelligent Relationship?
Written by Sally Connolly, LCSW, LMFT
Consider these questions and answer them honestly about yourself to determine if you know how to be part of an emotionally intelligent and healthy relationship. Think about friends and especially about those you date as a way of determining if they are able to be part of a healthy relationship with you.
1. I am able to communicate my needs in a relationship with others.
2. I am able to listen well and resist giving unsolicited advice.
3. I am able to say “no” when I need to.
4. I can be clear about preferences for closeness or distance in friendships/relationships.
5. While I do not consider myself to be one who likes conflict, I am able to talk about disagreements and remain in the discussion.
6. I know how to calm and soothe myself in a stressful or conflictual situation.
7. I know what “healthy boundaries” are and I am able to respect my own and those of others.
8. I am able to be nurturing and allow nurturing in a relationship.
9. I am able to reach out and repair a friendship/relationship with words and actions when it is needed.
10. I have identified characteristics in a partner that are important and I am able to end relationships (get out of ones that are not healthy) when I need to do that.
11. When there are differences in the kind of partner who attracts me and the kind of partner who fits with my values and life, I am able to make the distinction and make choices that are healthy for me.
12. I have made decisions about what part I want sex to play in a relationship and can communicate those clearly and stand by them with my partner.
13. I have a good sense of humor.
14. I know how to say “I am sorry”.
If you can answer “yes” to 12 out of 14, congratulate yourself on your emotional intelligence and seek dating partners and friends who reflect these characteristics as well.
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