A Successful Intimate Relationship Depends on Being Aware

INTRODUCTION

We all like to think that we are logical, rational human beings. But many of our reactions and behaviors are driven by factors we NOT aware of – leading us to harm our relationships. Developing Self-Awareness paves the way to a successful intimacy.

ARE WE RATIONAL HUMAN BEINGS?

We all like to think that we are RATIONAL HUMAN BEINGS, MAING CONSCIOUS DECISIONS. What we neglect to acknowledge is that many of our reactions and behaviors are driven by things we are NOT aware of. Consequently, we often fail in our relationships for the simple reason that we are NOT AWARE of the ways in which we harm them. Developing Self-Awareness paves the way to a successful intimate relationship.

WHAT PSYCHOLOGISTS, PHILOSOPHERS AND NEUROSCIENTISTS TELL US

An increasing number of psychologists, philosophers, neuroscientists and others are concluding these days that the man is NOT a rational human being as we might have thought. Rather, the person is a RELATIONAL HUMAN BEING, whose driving force is based primarily on his/her relationships with others.

As part of this approach to man, these writers tell us that not only we are NOT rational people, but unawareness drives many of our reactions and behaviors. Therefore, when it comes to intimate relationships, we not only are unaware of the reasons driving us to connect with others, but are also unaware of the ways in which we shoot ourselves in the foot in our relationships. Consequently many of us fail so often in our relationships.

THE INTERPLAY BETWEEN SELF-AWARENESS AND A SUCCESSFUL INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

It is only when we develop Self-Awareness – get to know and understand what drives us to behave the way we do – that we become able to develop a successful and healthy intimate relationship.

An example of this claim is to be found in a recently published book: “The Social Animal, The Hidden Sources of Love, Character and Achievement”, by David Brooks.

David Brooks – a columnist with The New York Times – illustrates how the educational system emphasizes cognitive qualities, and rarely gives attention to moral and emotional sides, to love and friendship and to the development process of one’s character.

Brooks claims that our unawareness exerts much more power over us than our awareness.

The book, which blends fiction and nonfiction, tells the story of a successful couple – Erica and Harold:
Erica is the daughter of a poor Chinese mother and a Mexican father. Her background drives her to become the CEO of a large company. Harold comes from a middle-class background and becomes a writer and a columnist.

Being successful in their professional lives doesn’t necessarily mean they are successful in their relationship.

Brook shows, throughout his book, how Erica and Harold’s reactions and behaviors towards one another are based on things they are NOT aware of. Their IQ and highly cognitive functions which enable them to “climb to the top” professionally do not rescue their personal relationship. This is where their UNAWARENESS takes over and determines the course of their intimacy.

THE IMPORTANCE OF SELF-AWARENESS

Since – as Brooks’ book indicates - many of our attitudes, reactions and behaviors are determined by things we are NOT aware of, we often don’t even see how we harm our intimate relationships. Developing our awareness – getting in touch with what drives us to behave the way we do and making the necessary change is therefore of uttermost importance if we truly wish to develop a successful intimacy.