In general, someone could rarely spend time by themselves, with them preferring to spend time around others. Along with this, they may have been in a relationship for most of their life.

This could show that they have been with one person for a long time, or they may have been with a number of people. If they were to spend time by themselves, they could soon end up feeling anxious.

An Automatic Process

Most likely, this will just take place as opposed to them consciously choosing to behave in this way. Either way, it will allow them to keep how they feel at bay and to keep it together.

If they were to start spending more time by themselves, they would soon feel the need to go back to how they were before. Not being alone is then likely to be greater than their need to actually connect to others.

One Scenario

If they are in an intimate relationship and this relationship was to come to an end, they could soon end up feeling deeply alone. This could be a time when it is as though they have been abandoned.

So, like an infant or a toddler that has been left, they can feel helpless and it could be as if their life is about to end. Before long, though, they could end up resisting what is going on and reach out to another person.

A lot To Handle

Thanks to how painful it will be for them to not be with someone, it is not a surprise that they will do whatever they can to avoid being alone. They will be a whole and complete human being but they won’t feel like one.

Due to this, they will need to be with another person in order to feel whole and complete. By being this way, it is likely to be hard for them to express themselves in a relationship as their fear of being alone and feeling abandoned can cause them to lose themselves.

A Different Scenario

However, although this is how someone can behave if this is what is going on for them, it is not the only outcome. Another thing that can take place is that they can spend time by themselves and act like they don’t need others.

The reason that this won’t cause them to feel deeply alone and abandoned is that they will be able to disconnect from their feelings. By living up top and being in their head, they will typically be unaware of the pain that would overwhelm them.

The Main Factor

Now, at this point, it may seem as though the former is in more pain than the latter, hence why they are unable to keep this pain at bay and are compelled to find someone to be with. This could be the case but they can be far more to it.

What this could also illustrate is that the latter has another, stronger fear and this fear generally represses their other fear and thus prevents them from reaching out. In addition to their fear of being abandoned can be their fear of being smothered.

What’s going on?

With that aside and coming back to the fear of being alone and feeling abandoned, it could be said as one is an adult, there is no reason for them to feel abandoned when they are by themselves. As they are a whole and complete human being, they should feel at ease.

Taking this into account, it could be said that they need to change their faulty thinking as this will allow them to change how they feel. Still, this could be seen as a very surface-level approach and one that is unlikely to truly resolve what is going on for them.

Going Deeper

The reason they often feel like an abandoned infant and/or toddler when they are by themselves is likely to show that they were neglected at this stage of their life. What this will mean is that how they feel as an adult is not the result of faulty thinking; it is the result of what actually took place many, many years ago.

But, if they live in a very mind-centred society (it’s all about the mind) and their brain has blocked out what took place to protect them, they won’t be able to join the dots, so to speak. The infant and toddler parts inside their own being will still be waiting for their caregiver to give them the love that they missed out on all those years ago.

The way out is through

Yet, as this stage of their life is over, this is not going to happen. The only thing that can happen is that, through transference, they can unconsciously believe that other adults will finally give them what they missed out on.

This can cause them to live in hope and keep their pain at bay, and for some of this pain to be unlocked at certain times. For them to truly put this stage of their life behind them, they will need to face this pain and to work through it, and this will take patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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