At this point in time, someone may be working towards something, and this could be something that they hope to achieve in a few months or it could be slightly longer. And, due to how important it is to them, it could also consume a lot of their attention.

So, throughout the day and when they go to bed at night, they will be thinking about it. What might also often cross their mind is how they will feel once this has taken place and how different their life will be.

One Example

When it comes to what they are working towards, it could be a degree or a master’s degree. Irrespective of what qualification it is, this might be something that they have been working on for a number of years.

If this is what they have been working on, they are likely to have put in a lot of time and effort. What is clear is that this will be something that has taken a lot of discipline and perseverance.

Within Reach

Once they have submitted their work and the time comes for them to wait for their grades, they could start to feel a sense of relief, mixed with a small amount of anxiety. Around the time when they are close to finding out, they could find it hard to sleep.

Fast forward to when they receive their grades, this could be a time when they will feel happy and very relieved. But, this might not be something that lasts for very long as they could soon feel very low.


They will have achieved something that they have been working on for a number of years and instead of feeling fulfilled, it will be as though something is missing. At this point, they could struggle to understand why they feel this way.

Before long, however, they could end up finding something else to work towards, believing that this time it will be different. Yet, to cut a long story short, the same thing could take place all over again.

An Analogy

Based on what takes place, it will be similar to them ordering something from a restaurant and then looking forward to eating it. Yet, once it arrives and they try it, it is nothing like how they expected it to be and they feel deeply unsatisfied.

Now, if they were to take a step back, what might stand out is that when they are working towards something they feel good, but, once they have achieved it they don’t. If so, it will be clear that they enjoy the first part but not the second part.

Two Levels

At this stage, it will be important to point out that they have both a conscious and an unconscious mind. And, as they don’t feel how they expect to feel once they have achieved something, it is likely to show that these parts of them are not in harmony.

At a conscious level, achieving something is going to be a way for them to fill certain needs and, at an unconscious level, it is also going to be a way for them to fill certain needs. This is not to say that these needs are separate, though, as what is going on a deeper level will influence what they want at a conscious level.

Going Deeper

Deep down, they can have the need to try to receive the love that they missed out on during their formative years. A number of the things that they have achieved and want to achieve will then have been and will be a way for them to try to fulfil their unmet developmental need to be loved.

When they are working towards something, they will be engaging in an old struggle to be loved. But, if they were deprived of the love that they needed, it wouldn’t have mattered what they did and now that this stage of their life is over, it will be too late for them to receive this love.

Repeating The Past

Nonetheless, while many, many years will have passed, a big part of them will still hope that they will finally be loved and will believe that achieving ‘fill in the blank’ will allow them to do this. Ultimately, living in hope will be a way for them to avoid the pain that they were not strong enough to experience all those years ago and had to be repressed.

For them to end this struggle and no longer look for what can’t be attained, they will need to reconnect to this pain and work through it. This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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