Advice For Newly Married Couple: Marriage Words Of Wisdom For Newlyweds

Marriage is not a game. Once you are in it there is no way of quitting. As a married person you should know your duties and responsibilities. Here are some marriage tips for newlyweds.

First; for the wife, you should do all the house chores, like cleaning the house, washing the dishes and clothes, cooking etc. You can ask help from your husband but never ask him to do the whole thing. Remember men have their own responsibilities.

Second; always say "I Love You", in the morning, in the afternoon, in the evening and when he/ she is away. Never let a day pass without saying those three words. Saying "I Love You" can brighten up his/her day. It's also one way of showing or expressing how you feel. Make sure to say it with feelings and expression. Say it in a sweetest way you can.

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Third; give each other a present or gift such as flowers, chocolates, wines etc.

Fourth; always ask her for a date. Date is not only for unmarried people. Dating your wife means you appreciate her. You are proud to being with her in the public. Be sure to plan the date, make it exciting if she is adventurous and simple if she is a simple lady.

Fifth; never fight for small things. Talk about it, meet halfway if possible. Don't let small things ruin your marriage.

Sixth; understand each other's attitude. Learn to adjust. But if you can't tolerate his/her attitude, try to talk to him/her in a nice way. Never yell because it won't help.

Seventh; tell him/her what you feel. If you were offended by his actions or if you don't like how he treats you. People can't read mind so it is still best to voice it out in a proper manner.

Last; dress properly. For the wife, you should always look fresh and beautiful even if you are only a house wife. Use a light make up. Use appropriate clothes. For the husband, shave your mustache, cut your hair. Use decent and suitable clothes as well.

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When I first started practicing law, I would see divorces for typical reasons - money, alcohol, affairs or abuse. However, there has been a significant change over the years. While many divorces still involve these reasons - it amazes me how much another issue comes up. I would say that in easily 60-70% of divorces that I see, controlling behavior on the part of one spouse is given as a one of the reasons for the divorce. While it is not always true, most of those cases involve controlling men.

Of course, most abusive relationships involve control. The abusive spouse (usually men, but not always) attempts to control or restrict the other spouse in terms of money, relationships, power or freedom. Control is the best way to assert power over another individual whether or not the relationship becomes physically abusive. However, I am not necessarily speaking of abusive relationships. I am speaking of a normal relationship where one person attempts to control certain aspects and decisions of the marriage, usually financial. The other spouse usually gives in because it is easier and less stressful to go along. The controlling spouse convinces his or her partner that they are incapable of making these decisions or that he or she is always right. Some people would classify this as an abusive relationship but a power imbalance in a relationship isn't always abusive.

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Most control issues relate to money and finances. The controlling spouse insists on handling the money and, in many cases, refuses to provide information to the other spouse. Oftentimes they put the other spouse on a "budget" and will only allow them to spend a certain amount of money, even if they are working and contributing to the household. They have a view that "what is mine is mine and what is yours is mine" meaning that they can spend whatever they want but their partner cannot. The controlling partner insists that the other spouse seek permission for any major purchases or decisions but does not afford the same courtesy in return.

The controlling spouse is a bully, seeking to make himself or herself feel better or more powerful by dominating the other spouse. The effect of this is resentment and low self-esteem on the part of the other spouse. This type of marriage is certainly not a partnership and does not result in a loving, respectful relationship. Successful marriages are based upon trust and respect. When one person attempts to control the other spouse, those emotions simply cannot exist within that relationship. Eventually, the spouse who is being controlled decides he or she has had enough and seeks a divorce.

Do you recognize yourself in the scenarios described above? If so, in order to save your marriage, you must lose control! Whichever side of this equation you are on, the situation must be remedied and must change. A successful marriage cannot exist under these conditions. A marriage should be an equal partnership where both spouses trust and respect each other and they know that their opinions count. If the controlling spouse refuses to adjust, there is no way to save this relationship.

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Most married couples that dwell in their past tend to overlook the beauty of their present. As they say, you should value your present and not dwell in the past because the "present" is a gift.

It's important that you don't let your past or your partner's past affect your relationship. Keep in mind that it already happened and there is no use crying over spilled milk. Whatever you may have done before meeting your spouse is better off isolated in your memories. You must not let it affect your good relationship now.

Additionally, whatever your partner may have done when you were still singles and when you were not together is something that you shouldn't meddle with.

Although the thought of saying goodbye to your bachelor/bachelorette life may seem painful, this is something you must do. You should realize that your life revolves around your marriage now. Thus, you should be prepared for some lifestyle changes.

If your single life used to be full of parties now you have to get used to the life that has less happening and more responsibilities.

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When the past is the subject matter, do not mention old flames. Even married couples sometimes still argue about the issue of old relationships. One would get jealous with his/her ex boyfriend or girlfriend or vice versa. Obviously this can be a very good source for starting a conflict between husband and wife.

Dwelling on the past can be a dangerous thing to do. Not only would it cause your spouse to get jealous, but it can also cause him/her a lot of anger. More often than not, such anger develops into something much deeper and in due time suppressed feelings can just burst out unexpectedly.

In fact, not only your spouse can get angry. It is actually possible that you'd be angry with yourself too. Since you feel disappointed with your past, you'll have a tendency to blame yourself for it. Maybe you have not yet forgiven yourself for doing something wrong in the past, and if so, you'd continue to live in anger and stress.

You wouldn't want that to happen. It's like stealing your privilege of enjoying your present life. In effect, you wouldn't be able to live a happy life and in due time this affects your marriage too.

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Perhaps you know what you should to make your bond of marriage strong and lasting. You may be doing everything you need to do to save the marriage from possible troubles. But sometimes, this may not be sufficient. After your consciously doing all the right things that should make your marriage strong, you may still find that your marriage is marred by some issues. This happens when your spouse does not do what is required on their part. But you can do several things that your spouse should be doing and prevent the situation of your marriage becoming vulnerable.

It may appear strange and funny that you are asked to do things that should be done by your partner. But this will turn out to be a realistic and practical approach that can make your relationship grow stronger and stronger. This means that you consider that you and your partner constitute a team and you are the leader. A leader is responsible not only for his or her actions but also for those of the other members of the team. If the leader finds any deficiency on the part of his/ her team members, he/she should do something to make up for such deficiency.

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So, what can you do to make up for the deficiencies for your spouse?

1) Take initiative:

Instead of thinking, 'why should I do the thing always,' make it a point to take initiatives. If you are not spending time together often, you can arrange for some activity like going to a movie or a park where you will have opportunities for being together and nurturing your love for each other. If there is a misunderstanding on some issue, you can take the initiative to break the ice and bring the relationship to normalcy. By taking the initiative, you will not become weak. Your esteem will go up with your spouse though they may not acknowledge it.

2) Help your spouse to solve their problems:

If your spouse has a problem, they may be reluctant to seek your help and may choose to suffer silently. You can go to their help. They may spurn your help sometimes with an 'I know how to take care of myself' attitude but will eventually realize how you have been reaching out to them.

3) Surprise them:

Your spouse may not remember your birthday. But you can still greet them o their birthday and surprise them with some nice gifts that they will love to have. You can surprise them in may other ways by taking them to their favorite restaurant, favorite theater show etc.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

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