Alcohol Intervention: How to Avoid Tension

Every family has a complex emotional history. When alcohol abuse is involved, that emotional history can be tinged with extra pain and bitterness, and these feelings are liable to rise to the surface in any confrontational situation. This is part of what makes an alcohol intervention so difficult. If the alcoholic has hurt you or you have had major disagreements in the past, it can be difficult to set these issues aside during the intervention. And if things should get so tense at the intervention that the addict walks out, then the whole effort goes to waste. rnSetting aside bad feelingsrnOne of the goals of an alcohol intervention is to inform the addict that his or her behavior is negatively affecting others. However, the key is to do this in a way that is non-confrontational and does not put the addict on the defensive. Hence it is usually best to avoid bringing up topics that are major sources of soreness. You may cite one or two specific instances in which the addict’s behavior affected you negatively, but you can do this without resorting to personal attacks or moral judgment. No one would say that you have to forget about the personal grievances you may have with the alcoholic. Some of the issues may be perfectly legitimate, however, they should be set aside for now. There will be plenty of time in the future to hash out these problems if that is what you want to do. Of course, the addict may, over the course of recovery, begin to feel bad about what he or she has done, and this may be an important step in resolving your issues. It will not happen instantly though, and it will not happen at the intervention, so your immediate objectives should be elsewhere. rnPlanning what to sayrnThe best way to avoid tension at an alcohol intervention is to carefully plan what you are going to say. There may be some family members or friends who have not had such a rocky relationship with the addict. If this is the case, let them do most of the talking. For your part, confine your intervention speech to a few concise sentences that express your love and support and stop short of bitterness and accusation. One helpful approach may be to write everything you are going to say ahead of time. Carefully consider what you are going to say, and write it all out in letter form a few days ahead of the alcohol intervention. Then, if your feelings become overwhelming at the event, you can simply read from your letter and pass the baton to the next speaker.