An Introduction to Retroactive Jealousy

Jealousy can be one of the most and disruptive and harmful of emotions. Often jealousy in relationships is directed at the present or the future. It is rooted in a fear of future loss - fear that one may lose their partner to something that is happening currently, or might happen in the future. It is not un-natural in romantic relationships for a couple to have some possessive feelings towards each other, and therefore for some trace of jealousy to be present. Often, this jealousy can be approached with communication. Since we are usually talking about a fear of future events, this jealousy can be communicated, fears expressed, reassurance given, and the jealousy itself can be put to rest. What if this jealousy is directed at the past however? At events that can’t be altered or changed?

Retroactive Jealousy is the imaginative conjuration or reconstruction of past sexual experiences which involves a partner as the focal point. It is an obsessive-compulsive reaction to events that took place in the past. Our partner may become irrationally preoccupied with these events, reliving them in their minds, obsessing over details, and trying to gain insight in to “why” these events could have happened. The mere mention of anything that is a reminder of these events can cause great distress. Trying to discuss these events, or rationalize them, only makes matter worse.

As crazy as it sounds for someone to be so obsessed with the PAST, rather than the promise of the future, retroactive jealousy is a condition that affects millions of people, and destroys relationships. So what can be done?
For patients experiencing retroactive jealousy, I like often compare them to a prism. Based on the position and angle of the prism, when light enters it, it projects in a particular way. However, when you can make even the slightest adjustment to that prism, how that ray of light is processed can change dramatically. Retroactive jealousy is a problem with the prism, i.e. the patient. When you can adjust their internal processing mechanism, even a little, you can change the outcome.

One of the beginning steps to changing this processor is to start to build self-esteem. Retroactive jealousy is a condition deeply rooted in insecurity. When confidence and self-esteem starts to grow, the weight of retroactive jealousy starts to diminish. To build self-esteem, I always recommend you start by identifying the areas of your life you are most proud of, and areas you feel you need to work on. What are your fears? Is there anything you are self-conscious of? I also recommend that patients start an exercise program if they are not already on one. Exercise boosts beneficial endorphins, improving mood. And the physical benefits of getting in shape do wonders for self-confidence.

For a more about Retroactive Jealousy, and a specific template for overcoming it, I recommend you check out my website and book: www.getoverrj.com, http://www.amazon.com/Get-Over-It-Overcoming-Retroactive-ebook/dp/B00LIIVGYW