Nobody ever claimed it was going to be a piece of cake restoring the relationship following an affair. You love your mate and have no desire to end the relationship. Your spouse feels the same way. They did wrong yet want to do everything within their power to repair the damage.

That's commendable however you cannot help but think to yourself why your spouse did not consider this before making the decision to cheat. No matter how much they try to make it up to you their behavior has jeopardized the marriage. Aside from dealing with the damaged trust after infidelity there is the intense emotional hurt.

You cannot eliminate the negative thoughts from your mind or just the fact that your own self-esteem took a major hit. You really feel like you are going insane but nevertheless you are determined to get past this in order to save your marriage. But at the moment you must step back to ask yourself are your efforts to rebuild actually working?

There are some things to look for that can help greatly when it comes to tracking the progress.

1. Outbursts

With regards to the spousal relationship following unfaithfulness, the dialogue between you and your spouse can be very strained. That is not uncommon. But, if the majority of discussions develop into arguments then there is obviously still a long way to go. Both of you have made the decision to stay together and for this reason reestablishing two way communication is a must.

No doubt the feelings will overwhelm you from time to time. You want your mate to realize what their careless behavior did to you. However if that is how it's going to be then healing the relationship after an affair will be virtually impossible.

2. The Decider

Your mate's marital affair was as wrong as wrong can be. Regrettably you extend that to every part of the marriage. You feel it is your birthright to pass sentence on everything they say and do. In a twisted way marriage after an affair has given you a sense of power you never experienced before. Their infidelity is the green light you needed to take over the marriage.

The two timing husband or wife might go along with this out of guilt yet the chances are high it won't last. Sooner or later they will snap out of it and return to their old habits. Yes you have every right to feel the way you do but you still have to exercise some sort of balance with regards to the overall relationship.

3. Self-Sacrifice

You question why you should be the one to sacrifice anything after an affair. Yet if you want to save your marriage then there are going to be times that you must swallow your pride for the good of the entire relationship.

When you observe your spouse becoming swamped by some of their household duties then help out. Whether they deserve your assistance is not the issue. The point is you're saying to your mate as well as to yourself that the two of you are in it together. That is a strong signal that this relationship after infidelity is on the right path to recovery.

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