The need to love and be loved is one of the 6 basic human needs we teach about in our Heart & Sold series. Because the need to love and be loved is so fundamental to humanity, it often explains the motivations behind our behaviors. We act in certain ways…. we do and don’t do things often for the payoff of either experiencing love or experiencing validation by giving love to others.

Your work today is pretty straight forward. We are simply defining what we want our love life to look like. This definition, however, is not just what we want our romantic love to look like. Its really about how we want to express and receive all relationships in our life. This is important to you because in order for these relationships to work to their highest potential, you must first know you are speaking the same language. That is, are you expressing love in a way that your loved ones most desire? And are you being loved by the ones that matter in the WAY that matters to you?

For example, lets say you tend to express your love most often by giving lots of hugs and kisses because you may feel loved when others hug or kiss you. You go out of your way to hold hands with your spouse, or put your arm around your child even as you operate in busy daily routines because that makes you feel good. BUT, that annoys the kids, and your spouse would much rather hear about what a great job he/she is doing. They would rather hear verbal accolades, or perhaps receive little gifts, than a pat on the back or a hug. Suddenly, the love you are dishing out doesn’t feel so reciprocated because they aren’t hugging you back (and that’s what you really wanted– to be loved), and you can’t understand why they don’t respond in a more positive way when you go so far out of your way to show your love.

Its because you are speaking different languages. And just like in marketing, where your marketing message has to matter to the customer…. your love message ALSO has to matter to your loved ones. Your output has to be in a way that matters to them, and not necessarily in a way that's most fundamental to you.

Your homework today: From Gary Chapman’s famous The Five Languages of Love, go take the quiz to find out what your own love language is. This tool will serve you not only in your dating/marriage relationships, but with any one you love, and even in the workplace in the form of appreciation and behavior motivation. Understanding your own language always helps you seek the language of others for the ultimate effective communication and relationship building.

Author's Bio: 

This article was presented by Rock Star U: Aly & Andrea are identical twins, motivational speakers, and strength-focused success coaches with an emphasis on live-event presentations that inspire, educate, lead, and empower audiences to not only survive adversity, but to thrive in it. Hear their incredible story at, or Hint: One is blind, both have Vision.
Connect with Aly and Andrea:
Twitter: (@alyandrea)