The part of someone’s being that provides them with aggression and thus anger and rage is there to protect them. Along with this, it will give them the energy and drive that they need to get things done.

It will then allow them to take care of the basics, so their ‘lower’ needs and to go after their dreams, so their ‘higher’ needs. What this will mean is that it will allow them to express and assert themselves.

A Key part

From this, it is clear to see is that this part of their being is vital, not just in terms of their survival but also their ability to thrive. So, if they don’t have access to this part of them, they are going to suffer unnecessarily.

Based on how important this part is, it can seem strange as to why someone wouldn’t have access to it. But, if someone is in this position, it doesn’t mean that they will realise it.

The Norm

Not being in touch with their anger can just be what is normal and therefore it won’t stand out. By being this way, there is a strong chance that they will be used to being walked over and taken advantage of.

Yet, instead of getting angry about this, they could just end up feeling frustrated and depressed. As opposed to pushing their energy out and standing their ground, they will end up keeping it in and fall into themselves.

A Heavy Place

Each time they are walked over, another layer of pain is likely to go on top of the pain that they have experienced previously. Thanks to this pain, it could be as though they are carrying a heavyweight.

Along with this heaviness that they carry, they could often experience tension in their mouth, throat, shoulders, chest and stomach. This will be a sign of the anger and rage that they are carrying that is outside of their conscious awareness.

A Non-Entity

In general, they could do what other people want and overlook their own needs and feelings. This can take place without them even being aware of the fact that they are neglecting themselves.

Still, living in this way is going to deprive them of the nutrients that they need to be able to feel alive, whole and fulfilled. Ultimately, they will act more like an extension of others than a separate human being who has their own needs, feelings, wants and preferences.

Stepping Back

If they were able to detach from what is going on, perhaps after getting to the point where they can no longer continue living in this way, they may wonder what is going on. How they behave might not make any sense to them.

What this is likely to illustrate is that they don’t feel safe enough to embrace, let alone express their anger. Ignoring this part of them is then going to be seen as the only way for them to survive.

An Exercise

If they were to imagine that they are being walked over, they might notice that they stop themselves from getting angry. They may see that their body tightens up or is tight and doesn’t allow their anger to enter their conscious awareness.

But, if they were able to embrace their anger, they could end up experiencing fear and anxiety, and guilt and shame. Before long, how they feel will end up being pushed out of their conscious awareness.

A Closer Look

What can be behind the discomfort that they experience is the fear that they will end up being rejected and abandoned. Being angry will be seen as something that will cause them to be isolated and for their life to come to an end.

At this point, their conscious mind might have absolutely no idea why they are this way. This is likely to show that their brain has blocked out the information that would shed light on why they are this way in order to protect them.

Back In Time

There is the chance that their formative years were not very nurturing, with this being a time when they were often neglected. When they expressed their needs, they may have been often left.

This would have caused them to associate self-expression as something that will cause them to suffer. Over time, they would have lost touch with their needs and feelings and become super focused on the needs of their caregiver/s.

A Brutal Time

This is not to say that behaving in this way would have stopped them from being isolated, though, as it is likely to have continued to happen. As they were powerless and totally dependent, they wouldn’t have been able to do anything about what was going on.

Their only option was to repress how they felt and go into a shut-down, collapsed and frozen state. What they desperately needed was their caregiver’s attention, love and support, and not receiving this would have deeply wounded them.

The Outcome

Many, many years will have passed since this stage of their life but a big part of them won’t have moved on. They are going to be in a developmentally stunted state and they will carry a lot of pain.

A big part of what will allow them to move forward and reconnect to their body will be for them to work through this pain. This is something that will take patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author of 25 books, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over two thousand, eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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