Anger Management

What do you do when you’re ready to explode?

I am a hot-tempered French Canadian, so when I discovered that my wee boy, even at 2 years old, had a terrible temper, I was really at a loss. Getting upset with him just seemed to make him more powerful… anger begets more anger…. Fortunately, I was given some very good advice early on… his pediatrician suggested that as long as he wasn’t hurting himself or anyone else, I should just let him go for it – I should pretty much ignore him… no point in trying to address the problem while he was in a tantrum… a regular routine for him… he would tour the lving room..knock certain books on the floor, switch the TV on or off, throw the phone off its table and throw all the cushions on the floor…when he was done, I would take him by the hand and quietly lead him around the room to put everything back… to my great surprise, the tantrums soon stopped…. at least for awhile…

Once Pat hit his teens though, his anger problems became increasing difficult, and even dangerous…. and with my French temper, it didn’t take much to escalate a minor dispute into an all-out screaming match.  Crazy-making… We didn’t hit each other, although we wanted to, but the holes in the walls and the broken windows in our home were clear evidence of the violence that was in him… As I psychic and spiritual advisor, I was especially concerned about the negative energy that is generated when people explode in anger… I could see how Pat’s angry energy infected our home and our lives, even my business. There was nothing for it but to learn how to manage my own anger more effectively so I could diffuse these tantrums much more quickly…

Easier said than done. I have little patience for fools, or line-ups, or poor service… and I am often a little tired and irritable from pain, I am “high-strung” – easily stressed, usually in a hurry… hate wasting time, hate sitting in waiting rooms and traffic, hate fighting my way through crowds… I know well that feeling of being ready to explode, wanting to throw something or shake someone.  But I also know that firing off insults, giving into my anger and frustration hurts… Still, I don’t get angry without reason… how do I release the charge in me, how can I set things right, without also hurting someone – or myself – in the process?

You might think that the issue is just learning to control your anger, to refuse to acknowledge it, to float along with things as they are, to accept the bad service, the traffic, the bad behaviour. But repressed anger can make you sick or fat, or bone-thin… repressed anger is at the root of most cancers… it can lead to chronic depression and even psychosis… repressed anger has a way of warping your mind, as well as infecting your body…

Release first comes from listening to the anger… asking yourself what it’s really about, allowing yourself to observe the feelings without reacting to them.

Then you need to look for a productive way of expressing your anger… complain about the service, ask to speak to a manager, send a letter to customer service, file a complaint online… but be sure to open the conversation with a note of appreciation and understanding… “I appreciated the warm hello, and see how busy you are, but I have a problem with….” and be specific about what you didn’t like… If you have an issue with someone, choose a time when you are calm to talk about the problem. An example: we have had a young man sharing our home for some 5 years now… he graduated this year, and I was ready for him to leave… I had a long list of things that were irritating me and had reached the point that my aggravation was spinning around and around in my head so the poor fellow couldn’t do anything right. Finally I saw the moment when I was calm and ready to tell him that I wanted him to move… and he also was ready to listen… in the end, we renegotiated our agreement… he is still with us… and no longer bugs me, at least not near as much. He heard me…. I heard him… peace… release… without much drama…

Frustration comes from feeling stuck. When I lived in Toronto, I avoided road rage by avoiding the busy routes during peak hours – and learning the city so well that I knew when I could take an alternate route.  While this strategy applies to traffic, it is also the right way to deal with a lot of other problems…we get stuck thinking there is only one option and when we can’t get our way with that one plan, we get frustrated. Yet there is always an alternate route. Sometimes the universe puts obstacles in our way because our plans are flawed… if we will take a second look, we can usually find there is more than one way to achieve our goals.

Another way of releasing anger is to be willing to accept defeat, and to walk away, to let go… Endings, especially unexpected breakdowns, whether in relationships or business can leave us feeling helpless, resentful and unbelievably angry. However, beating yourself up with thoughts of your mistakes – or the other’s – analyzing and re-analyzing what happened and why does not bring closure – and can lead to a lot of weird obssesive behaviour like stalking. Accept what is… let it be…

Anger, like laughter is infectious… When you are angry, you are inclined to attack, and when someone is angry with you, your immediate reaction is either to get angry yourself – or to run from it – none of which is useful in settling and calming the situation.  And anger has a way of building up, often over little things…

Before you explode, BREATHE:  Take a few deep breaths and count to ten… old advice that works anytime…. It gives you time to think, to process, to stand back from the conflict and objectively observe it so you respond appropriately. Giving yourself a minute to think before reacting allows you to set the angry feelings aside long enough to hear what the other person is really saying..

Here’s a list of useful ways to release the charge in you so you can begin to find peaceful, loving solutions to whatever issue has upset you:

• stamp your feet,
• throw stones in the pond,
• kick a can down an alley,
• work a punching bag, or punch a pillow
• scream in the wind…
• make a list of what is bugging you, (then a list of what makes you happy)
• take a long walk… or run or bike ride…

One of the most powerful and effective ways I have found to move through anger is by focusing on the love vibration and actively invoking it around whatever conflict I may be faced with… Visualize the person(s) you are upset with surrounded in a bubble of pink and green light, see yourself in the same bubble, all turning pink and green as the light infuses your bodies… see any documents or equipment, or property associated with the conflict in a bubble of pink and green light, and then turning pink and green, and see the space you are in, first the room, then the whole building surrounded with the bubble and infused with the beautiful pink and green light… as you are visualizing the light, think of someone or something you love and charge the light with those good feelings. Pink and green are the colours of Divine Love, invoking this energy in this way tends to bring healing and balance… you suddenly find the right words and ideas… you can find a common ground on which to negotiate a resolution.

I used to give myself a hard time for being hot-tempered… slow to boil about some things, but when I do… it’s not pretty… But I learned that my anger is simply a messenger, letting me know that I am afraid, anxious… or that something is out of balance in my environment.  If I can respect it as the messenger, I can find the inner peace we all strive for.  It is about learning to relax, accepting that all has purpose, trusting that you will find answers on the other side of your anger.

  Tell us  how you release anger, leave a comment!!

Get a Reading