Many of us are raised into believing that humility, modesty and inner values are virtues. — And that those are superior and contradictory to being vain, selfish, and superficial.

That money not only can’t buy you love, but it’s the root of all evil. That we’re not supposed to think too highly of ourselves, and that wanting more than your average peer is "vain", “selfish” and “greedy”.

… And I say that’s all a huge load of life-denial.

Want six-pack abs? Of course you do!

Want a pimped-out car? Cool!

Want to be rich? Well, who doesn’t?!

Want to eat out at fancy restaurants every week? Well, count me in!

Sadly, there’s a prevalent way of thinking that allegedly, only weak individuals who try to cover up low confidence strive for these things. And that the two are incompatible contraries.

However, I’ve found the opposite to be true.

Whether you can have a humble outlook and still cultivate outer values is a matter of confidence. Because confidence is a matter of personal growth, and being able to contain presumed differences and paradoxes.

I used to think that nothing made any sense because nothing has any inherent meaning or value, and therefore, nothing mattered. And so, it didn’t matter what I did or whether I felt good, so I might as well feel miserable.

Today, I KNOW that nothing makes sense, has any meaning or value — so we have to apply our own meaning and value. I KNOW that my existence is as objectively pointless as any other human being’s. — But also, I sure do know what I like. So I’ll have some more of that while I’m here, thank you.

Non-fidence often entails envy of other people’s fortune. With thinking in terms of scarcity, pettiness and settling — rather than abundance, admiration and ambition.

When you see successful people driving cool cars, dining at expensive restaurants, working out to get slim and fit, and whatnot, those things are assuredly a reflection of confidence. — Feeling that you’re worth something, and that it’s totally cool to have nice things because why shouldn’t you be allowed to?

“But they’re only brief values, not permanent ones!”

… And??

Whenever we eat anything, it’s a passing pleasure. And, for that matter, whenever we have sex, watch a movie, get drunk, have fun and all-round entertain ourselves. Life CONSISTS of passing moments and sensations: Why not make sure they’re enjoyable?

Don’t get me wrong. We should, ideally, feel good about ourselves no matter what we do. But I believe it goes the other way, too.
I believe that the things we do should also make us feel good. If someone else considers them "vain", so what?

Just because you feel good doesn’t make it right. I know. But that in itself sure doesn’t make it wrong, either.

We’re here once. (And there’s no sensible reason to believe otherwise until someone presents sufficient evidence.) So for goodness’ sakes let’s go ahead and make that one time worth looking back upon.


Indulge yourself. Do something you’ve been wanting to do, but didn’t because you thought it might be too vain or selfish.

If you want to be worth it, go ahead and think that you are. That’s how we grow a little.

Author's Bio: 

As a confidence coach, Andy Kay helps people who are held back -- by fear, overwhelm, anxiety, indecisiveness, anything. After years studying confident, successful people, he knows what works and what doesn't. He doesn't tolerate "spiritual" BS about "higher powers" and "purposes". -- We have access to all the power we need to achieve our own purposes; period. Visit and get confidence and empowerment for free!