When I set out on my great escape from depression towards a confident life, one of the hardest things to realize was that I had a habit of unconsciously playing the victim.

A habit that I needed to outright slaughter if I was going to get confidence, and get where I wanted to be.

This goes for you and everyone else, too.

I find that pretty much all of us play the victim from time to time. You might only do it in certain areas of your life; you might only do it in certain periods — like when you’re really low on confidence and self-esteem.

Chances are, you’re doing it. No matter the details.

“But you don’t get it! I…”

Oh yes, I do very much so get it. Because I’ve been there, taken the ride and gotten my picture taken, and I’ve had it sit on my mantelpiece for years and years. And it did me no good.


Yeah, there’s that word again. “But”. Let me guess...

Following that “but”, you were gonna talk about how this-and-that were affecting you in whichever-and-whatever way. And about how you wouldn’t know what to do about it, and how there might not be anything you CAN do about it. Because it’s out of your hands.

Here’s a great new way of thinking for ya:

Whenever we play the “but…”-game, we’re playing the victim.

It doesn’t matter how “right” we might be; what happened when; or what which person said or did. There are only two things that matter:

1) How we think about it

2) What we do about it

How we think about things speaks volumes of who we are. And if you wanna be the kind of person who thinks like a victor, not a victim, it all starts with the simple choice of doing so.

This is an area worth many articles and books in itself. For now, I’ll simply say that it CAN be done. But you gotta truly want it, and you gotta be willing to let go of those non-supportive ways of thinking. Including the “but…”-game.

And then, of course, there’s the small matter of what we do about things. — A matter which speaks immensely greater magnitudes of who we are, and which in itself is worth not several books, but libraries altogether.

If we really wanna do the things we say we wanna do, we need to think about them the right way. This means we need to stop playing the victim.
Nobody who ever completed any goal worth pursuing ever did so by playing the victim.

Yes, a lot of things happened to you. Yes, they hurt, and yes, it’s tough. What are you doing about it?

When we think like victims, we will act like victims. But when we think confidently, we will act confidently. And that’s how we set ourselves up to win.

Now, don’t get me wrong on all of this. This insight — this ONE insight of how I’d been playing the victim, and how I needed to take responsibility for my thoughts and actions — is one of the harshest insights I’ve ever had to deal with.

Re-wiring my ways of thinking took years, and it probably will for you, too. But if you really want to, and if you keep at it, you WILL find a way to do it.


For the next week, don’t begin any of your thoughts or spoken sentences with the word “but”. Instead, substitute for “yes”, or at least “okay”.

Notice how this one simple way of thinking makes you more open and accepting towards new ideas rather than being all-too conveniently dismissive of them.

Author's Bio: 

As a confidence coach, Andy Kay helps people who are held back -- by fear, overwhelm, anxiety, indecisiveness, anything. After years studying confident, successful people, he knows what works and what doesn't. He doesn't tolerate "spiritual" BS about "higher powers" and "purposes". -- We have access to all the power we need to achieve our own purposes; period. Visit https://www.getconfidencecoaching.com and get confidence and empowerment for free!