Are You Ready for Prime Time?

Dating in 2011 is the same "game" in a different year. Are you the same person you were in your last relationship? Hope not. Your relationships ALL have something to teach you. Not just about the other person but about yourself as well. What did you learn? How did you grow? Please take the time to actually answer these questions because they will have an impact on your NEXT relationship!

Are you carrying any baggage from the last 1+ relationships or marriage? What generalizations do you find yourself making regarding women/men?
This goes back to the original questions about lessons learned and growth. Should you not have learned the “lesson” it WILL continue to repeat itself again and again. Surely you don’t need the drama, pain or anguish.

How self- aware are you? Has your self awareness grown? Self awareness shows signs of growth when you censor your own thoughts regarding men or women. It is not that you don’t have negative thoughts or ideas regarding the opposite sex. What is amazing is when you catch yourself with these thoughts, preferably before you actually speak the words you are thinking. This is self awareness. Heal yourself- bless the world!

Has your confidence in yourself improved/grown or lessened? This is another question to be answered by you. If your confidence (not conceit or self centered-ness) has grown, congratulations! Should you be less confident now than in your past relationship, please review paragraphs one and two and really ANSWER the questions. The questions are for you to assess yourself. Honesty with self is most important in establishing a great relationship. Who wants to be with a person who does not respect or love themselves? There are those who LOVE these kinds of relationships because they do not respect or love themselves. YOU are not looking for that person!

Listen to your intuition! In looking back on any “failed” relationship, there is always a point where you knew and could see the writing on the wall. Many people look past the supposed flaws (I can change him/her) and character traits that seem out of place with the person you thought you were in a relationship with. That is the true personality coming through. It can be anywhere from 2-6 months before THAT person comes in sight. Hopefully, the person you see at 6 months is the SAME person you saw in the beginning. That my friend is a real person with no hidden agendas and at least some inkling of who they are and what they choose to be about. Congrats again- good work! Should this begin to show signs of a different person – take the time to assess if this is the person you really want to be with. Do NOT let fear or anxiety have any place in this conversation. You have been alone before – you are strong enough to be alone again should the need arise.

NO GAMES! Please do not play games with other’s emotions. It is unworthy, ugly and beneath you. Games do not belong in an adult relationship. Be honest with yourself and the person you are currently dating. Do not be afraid to tell someone you don’t see a relationship in the cards, you are not my type, etc. BE HONEST!

Fair exchange is no robbery! I love that expression. A great example of this is the dinner date. Anyone who thinks you owe them “something” because they took you to dinner is delusional! They had the pleasure of your company- that is a fair exchange!

Be Accountable! ACCOUNTABILITY:the quality or state of being accountable; especially: an obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one's action. (Per Merriam Webster). Wow what a mouthful. This is so important, don't know how I forgot about it. You always want to be accountable yourself. Always! You should hold everyone in your circle to the same standard. Forget the feeble excuses and outright lies. Do not accept anything less then full accountability from anyone you have a relationship with. This should be something you demand of a potential mate. Remember, if you let things slide early in the relationship- YOU are setting yourself up for failure!

There are times when you don’t know how you feel about a person. So let them know that. If they wish to continue dating, so be it but let them know! Also (this is for women) if a man tells you he is not interested in a relationship BELIEVE him! You can still hang out with this person but until he tells you otherwise, you are just a friend. Do not try to change his outlook and be glad you have a person to hang out with.

Be a blessing to others and KNOW the blessings will be returned to you.
Peace out!