Attract Who You Want

I’m constantly surrounded by helplessness and incompetence.
It was a familiar refrain from an executive friend of mine who felt responsible for fixing everyone and everything around him. The women in his life were always emotionally fragile, damsel-in-distress types. His bosses never saw his greater vision for the organisation. Swarms of colleagues were nearsighted, bumbling fools. From his perspective, all the people in his life needed to be saved from themselves, and he had to be the one doing the saving.

My friend was repeatedly attracting what he worried aboutrnthe most. Much has been written recently about that universalrnprinciple called the Law of Attraction and how it pertains tornthe power of our so-called electromagnetic thought field. Therernare many adages to describe it – what goes around comes around,
you reap what you sow and so on – but there’s a new awareness of how this law can assist with manifesting everything you desire.

In simple terms, we attract whatever it is we give our attention to. The pessimists among you will immediately have jumped to thernrealisation that this law can, and will, work against you because for most of us, these principles of attraction play out in our unconscious mind. The very fears behind “I hope herndoesn’t cheat on me”, “women are only interested in spending myrnmoney”, and “all the good ones are already taken” all become yourrndating reality when uttered enough times and with enough gusto.

I met my husband in graduate school. It had been a sorry year forrndating: stood up for a dinner date on Valentine’s Day, mild stalking from a veritable mad scientist, and an alarming interlude with an alcoholic, egocentric pilot. All that effort and worry and girls’ night roundtable discussions about menrnbeing commitment-phobic dogs had accomplished nothing. Fed uprnwith our fruitless efforts at husbandhunting, a girlfriend and I made a solemn vow to swear off men entirely and direct our attention back to molecular biology. And with that vow we set off to enjoy a few beers at the biggest dump of a bar in town. A mere four hours later I became instantly – and apparentlyrnirresistibly – attractive to the future father of my two children. Go figure. This story isn’t so uncommon. Whenever we muster the wherewithal to fully detach ourselves from the outcome of our desire, the object of that desire accelerates toward us.

Look back on the players in your previous key relationships. Compare the problematic relationships with the harmonious ones. Are there any identifiable patterns? If so, how did your behaviour factor into the success or failure of the partnership?
Just realising how and when things tend to go sour will stop yourntreading down that road again. You wouldn’t still be readingrnif there wasn’t someone causing you emotional turmoil. If everyone around you represents a mirror, magnifying your own character traits, what might that problem person be reflecting back to you? If you don’t love, honour or respect yourself, you won’t receive those bounties from those around you. If you fear betrayal, look beyond the times you’ve been cheated on and ask, where are you untrustworthy in your own life?

Remember the danger of focusing on what you don’t want, consider what you do want from your relationship with this person, specifically and ideally. Tossing aside education, experience andrncompany politics, how would you want your boss to treat you, andrnwhat should they expect from you? Likewise, script out a typical day sharing life with your lover (real or imaginary) just as you would like it to be.

Gandhi advised his followers to be the change they wanted to see
in the world. Try downsizing this wisdom to your relationship. Ifrnyou’re feeling disrespected by your boss, become the most respectable and respectful person in the office. If you feel criticised or unloved by your partner, become more accepting of them and yourself than before. The energetic momentum you will create is contagious.