When it comes to who one is attracted to and attracts, it can appear to be a random process. And that one has no control over who they attract or are attracted to. Certain physical traits are often cited as being the reason why one is or was attracted to someone.

And physical characteristics certainly play an important part in who someone is and is not attracted to. Most people have specific things they like and things that they are not too keen on.

But while physical characteristics are important, they don’t always have the biggest influence on who one is attracted to. What often takes precedence over physical appearances is how one feels or doesn’t feel at any given moment.

These can be feelings that one is completely aware of or they can be feelings that are just out of one’s conscious awareness. So from time to time they may be known or they could be completely unknown.

The Body

Now, if one is in touch with their feelings and emotions and therefore their body, they will know how they feel and so they might even see this process taking place. One could feel emotionally centred and together and be attracted to people who are in the same place so to speak. The connection is then highly visible and there is no mystery as to why one is attracted to such people.

Another example would be when one feels emotionally fragmented and out of balance and finds themselves being attracted to people who are having the same emotional experience. And again, one will soon see the connection and while they may feel frustrated, they will not be surprised as they are in the same emotional place themselves.

The ideal

To have this connection to one’s body and what is going on emotional is the ideal. One will feel more empowered than if they were disconnected and everything seemed to be happening randomly.

It would be clear that one needs to change how they feel in order to attract people who are emotionally healthy. One would know that they had control and a choice in the matter and were not victims.

The Norm

However, this body and mind connection is not the norm in today’s world and this can lead to all kinds of problems. It would then be unclear as to what one was feeling in their body and so seeing the connection between what is going on internally and what is going on externally would not be possible.

Who one is attracted to and attracts would then appear random and as something that one has no control over. The mind would then take over and have the answers to these questions

The Story Maker

While the mind can be disconnected from the body and the real answers, it doesn’t mean that it won’t come up with all kinds of false reasons as to why certain people are showing up in ones reality. Here, the mind will form interpretations to explain what is going on. And these interpretations can be the result of what one has learnt through intellectual means.

This could be what they have read, what they have heard through other people and the interpretations that they have made throughout their life. And while these can seem completely accurate as far as the mind is concerned, in most cases they could be nothing more than fancy ideas. The mind is the observer of life and yet the body is experiencing life in real time.

An Analogy

One can have ideas about what it is like to swim and read numerous books and even watch videos. This will give them an intellectual understanding of swimming. But until they get into the water, it is not a real experience. When they get into the water and swim, it will become real.

In this example it is clear that one can’t understand what it is like to swim unless they go into water. And yet when it comes to the understanding why we attract the people that we do, it is not always as easy to realise. This is generally due to one being disconnected from their body and being cut off from the body’s wisdom.


When there is pain in the body and this pain is too hard to handle, it is natural and normal for one to stay in their head and to leave their body. This could be something one does from time to time and during different moments or it could be something that has become a way of life.

Perhaps one has experienced some kind of trauma as an adult or when they were a child, or it could relate to an accumulation of experiences that gradually wore one down. And ones time as a baby and even in the womb can all have an effect. So it feels safe to live in one’s head and too painful to be in one’s body.

Trapped Emotions

And when one is disconnected from their body and therefore lives primarily in their head, it will be a mystery as to what is going on in the body. This can mean that feelings and emotions will have become trapped in their body. They can be in ones: skin, bones, muscles and vital organs.

Consciously one is then oblivious to these emotions and feelings, but that doesn’t mean they are not having an effect on one’s life. These trapped feelings and emotions will create a resonance and the people who come into their life will mirror this resonance.

It is then not just about the individual emotions and feelings, it is also about the general feelings that they create. This can include feeling: powerless, worthless, unlovable, empty, desperate, hopeless, helpless, rejected, abandoned, violated, betrayed and fear.


The ego mind will want to hold onto these feelings as they will be interpreted as familiar and therefore safe. So while they may not cause one to attract the kind of people that one wants, they will feel comfortable to the ego mind. To let go and to embrace other people would be classed as death.


The emotions and feelings need to be released from the body and as they are released, one can return to their natural state of inner harmony. And as this takes place, who one is attracted to and attracts will gradually begin to change.

This can be done with the assistance of a therapist or healer who will support one in facing and then releasing their feelings and emotions.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With several hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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