B Is For Becoming

B is for Becoming.

This is important to remember: You are not what your parents, your teachers, or anyone else said about you when you were a child. You are not what your spouse, ex-spouse, boyfriend, girlfriend or anyone else thinks you are.

You are not even what you think you are. You are not your past, whether that be good or bad, whether you’ve wallowed in the lower end of the gene pool, have risen to dizzying heights, or have crashed and burned.

We are, all of us, in the process of becoming. While it is true that all the data tucked away in our subconscious has had a profound effect on who we think we are and even influences who we will become, the future is neither cut and dried nor cast in stone.

We can choose who we will become. We can choose to disbelieve the old lies, the stereotypes, the self-fulfilling prophecies. We can choose to stop reacting to what life throws at us and can, instead, choose how we will respond to the problems and possibilities that crop up.

But how is this possible, you ask? Can a tiger change its stripes or a leopard its spots? Is a man (or a woman) capable of real change?

Consider the evidence:

Lucille Ball was told by drama coaches at the John Murray Anderson School for the Dramatic Arts that she “had no future at all as a performer.”

The Beatles were told that “guitar groups are on their way out” and denied a contract by Decca Records.

Michael Jordan was told that he was “too short” and was cut from the varsity team in his sophomore year of high school.

Thomas Edison attended school formally for only three months because his teacher thought him “addled” and told him that he was “too stupid to learn anything.”

Walt Disney was told that he lacked imagination and didn’t have any original ideas when his application for a job as a newspaper artist was turned down.

Abraham Lincoln, called “lazy” as a youth by some in his family and neighborhood, endured scathing criticism as President of the United States. His response?

“If I were to read, much less answer, all the attacks made on me, this shop might as well be closed for any other business. I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end. If the end brings me out all right, what is said against me won’t amount to anything. If the end brings me out wrong, ten angels swearing I was right would make no difference.”

In all these examples, and particularly in Lincoln’s response, we can find clues and encouragement.

These people did not accept the negative evaluations of others. They didn’t throw up their hands in despair because they were told that they were too shy, too short, too dumb, too lacking in imagination, or too lazy.

They went on to become famous, sterling examples of their chosen fields, and successful far beyond the imaginations of those who criticized them in the first place.

Please note that phrasing because it is deliberate: They went on to become….

You can hear hints of that same idea in Mr. Lincoln’s response to criticism. He didn’t take offense or become defensive. He didn’t whine that “everybody keeps picking on me!” He didn’t assign blame. He didn’t even argue or seek to justify his actions.

And he didn’t make excuses. He simply said, “I do the very best I know how – the very best I can; and I mean to keep doing so until the end….”

There is an on-goingness in that sentence that, while couched in the present tense, speaks for the future tense as well. Mr. Lincoln was in the process of becoming a great man, a great president, a great example – on his own terms.

Are YOU living your life on your own terms or someone else’s? What are you in the process of becoming?