Remember Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles? All the lonely people. She kept her face in a jar by the door. We all have these faces, they are our defense mechanism to protect our vulnerable self. The problem is not that we have them but that we don't know the false from the true. We live behind that face so much that we lose track of who we really are. We create faces, persona, that reflect what we want the world to see. Perhaps it is what we think is expected or what we think is attractive. It is almost always what we think others want to see. It is not the real authentic us.

When relationships are based upon this persona, disaster is only crack away. Any roll you play, any persona, will at some point crack and the real you will be discovered. You can imagine the relationship disaster that might follow. But the potential for the greatest disaster is not with other people but with yourself. Imagine that you have been living a lie for 30 years when you discover your reality. Can you see the self loathing, the recriminations directed inward, the loss of direction and meaning of your life? Not to mention the other people in your life. Do they really know you, or you they? Do they represent what you really want in your life? Are you what they really want? Was the intimacy you developed real or fake also. All because you kept the real you hidden away.

Of course, the answer is to discover your authentic self sooner not later. Allow your true self to come to light. Start by asking yourself a few simple questions. Why am I doing this? Is it because I want to or because I think others want me to? What do I want my life to be in 20 years, not what is expected but what do I want? What kind of person am I, is this the person I want to be? What is my passion, what do I really care about? As you ask and answer these question, you will begin to discover your true self. As you begin to live life based upon your true feelings, stress and internal conflicts will ease. You will be happier and healthier.

From the position of inner strength, because you have self confidence, self awareness, and authentic self love, you will bring into your life people who love you for who you are. The intimacy will be easier and better. Love and relationships will be deeper.

All the lonely people. They are lonely because they can't let people behind the mask. They don't know and love their real, authentic selves. They have to wear the mask because they are afraid of what they may find behind it.

Be yourself, Love yourself and others will also.

Author's Bio: 

Hello, I am Tom Blair your Sexual Relationship Coach
Neural Linguistic Practitioner
Internationally read author.
Retired Educator
Couples come to me, as a Sexual Relationship Coach, because there is not enough sex or it isn’t satisfying for one or both parties. Perhaps it was great but has fallen off or maybe it never was quite satisfying enough. Together we look for solutions to the issue. Some times it is as simple as an open and honest discussion of wants and needs or expectations. Sometimes it is a discussion of techniques and an understanding of the mechanics of great sex. But most often it is an understanding of the emotional needs of each. Lack of good, satisfying sex is usually a symptom of other relationship issues. Each of us have emotional needs for such things as affection, companionship, communication, respect and several more. By locating where each feels those needs to be inadequately met, we can create plans to improve. When those needs are being met, sex follows as a natural function of a good relationship.