In today’s world, what is taking place externally is generally given more attention than what is taking place internally. This then means that it can be normal for some people to focus on their appearance and to ignore what is taking place within them.

Point of Focus

Someone can then going to focus on how they look, and they might not even realise that they also have an inner world. However, all the time they are focused on creating the right impression, it is unlikely to be something that they are concerned about.

Through placing their attention on how they look, there is also the chance that this will lead to approval. The people they are close to and the ones they come across may give them positive feedback.


Through receiving this kind of feedback, it is going to cause them to feel good about themselves. Pleasing others is then going to be seen as something that allows them to experience good feelings.

It will then be important for them to maintain the appearance they have; if they don’t, it is likely to have a negative effect on their well-being. What this can mean is that they can only accept themselves when other people do.


If this is the case, someone could end up being obsessed with their appearance, and other areas of their life could then be overlooked. All the time they rely on others people’s feedback to feel good; they are not going to want to neglect their appearance.

When their appearance is not as it should be, they could end up experiencing anxiety, and it is then not going to be possible for them to experience inner peace. But as soon as they receive the feedback they need, they may soon begin to settle down.

Up And Down

During those moments when they receive positive feedback from others, they could feel as though they are on top of the world, and this could be an experience that stays with them for a short while. However, when this doesn’t take place, they could feel down and as though they have no value.

It is then going to be a challenge for them to experience emotional stability, and this is because they could be used to swinging from one side of the emotional spectrum to the other. The pain within them is then going to be something that gives them the motivation to look good.


Another option would be for them to look at why they need other people’s approval in order to accept themselves. This would mean that one would have to face how they feel, and while this is likely to be painful, it would give them the chance to change how they experience life.

If they were able to accept themselves, they would no longer need to be obsessed with their appearance. This is not to say that they would end up going from one extreme to the other and neglect themselves; what it means is that they would be able to embrace other areas of their life.

More Than an Object

It would then be possible for them to see themselves as more than just an object that exists to please others. In the short-term, their life could end up getting worse, and this is because they will be facing themselves as opposed to running away from themselves.

Yet as time passes, they should begin to settle down, and to realise that their value as a human being doesn’t depend on the approval of others. What this shows is that even though one will experience pain, it won’t last forever, and that there is a reason why they are experience this pain.


When one needs the approval of others in order to accept themselves, it is likely to be a sign that they are out of touch with their true-self. The pain that they experience when they face themselves can then relate to their false-self.

There is the chance that one has been out of touch with their true-self since they were younger, and this means that they may believe it is who they are. The pain that they experienced through not having their needs met during these early years can then stay within them, and this pain will need to be processed.

Into The Body

Through processing this pain and getting in touch with their true-self, they will be able to settle into their body. They then won’t need to be stuck in their head, and they can then be present.

However, when one doesn’t process their pain, it can be normal for them to live on the surface of themselves. As a result of this, they can end up living in their head, and their attention is then going to be on other people.

Caught Up

Thus, one is going to be thinking about whether other people accept them or not, and they won’t be able to relax. It is then not going to be possible for them to live in the moment, and there are going to be people who pick up on this.

Some people may find that although one is physically there, it is as if part of them is somewhere else. This is then going to stop one from being able to connect to others, and they could even come across as rude or aloof, for instance.

Missing out

What this shows is how one can miss out on life through being caught up in what they look like. It will be a lot harder for them to experience a deeper connection with others, and this can cause them to experience even more pain.


If one is in a position where they are obsessed with their appearance and it is then a challenge for them to live in the moment, it might be necessary for them to reach out to a therapist and/or a support group. Through their assistance, one can process the pain that is within them.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, thought leader and coach, Oliver JR Cooper hails from the United Kingdom. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation; love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over eight hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behavior, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. Current projects include "A Dialogue With The Heart" and "Communication Made Easy."

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