Big No-Nos When Trying to Save a Marriage From Divorce - 5 Common Mistakes

1. Begging and Pleadingr
If you beg, plead, cry, whine or do anything that's going to make you seem weak; you will only make your spouse think that he or she has the upper hand and you will disgust them. Seeming desperate and needy isn't an attractive quality that will make you any more appealing. So don't do it. They didn't make this decision overnight so getting overly emotional is not going to help.
2. Remind Them How Much You Love Themr
What's the point of telling someone that you love them if you have not shown how much they mean to you over the years? Abusive spouses will often tell their wife or husband that they love them as they are hitting them or after they've beaten them. Do you think that their abused spouse honestly believes them?
If you are only now recognizing that you're still in love with this person when they announce that they want a divorce now is not the time to say it. Wait until a later, calmer time to tell them that you do love them and that you want to make it work and try to save your marriage from a divorce. Since actions speak louder than words, it's always better to show someone how you feel rather than just tell them.
3. Sympathy, Guilt and Threatsr
Don't say things like, "What about the children? If you don't want to stay for me, think about the children." Now you've accused them of abandoning their kids. That is not going to serve you well, especially if they have been a devoted parent.
Other common guilt tactics include remarks like, "What are we supposed to do for money? How are we going to live?"
That last remark is definitely going to have the exact opposite effect that you want because you'll only reinforce that your main desire to keep your spouse around is financial.
Another frequent threat is, "If you leave me, I'll kill myself." Depending on how angry they are, the response you get may be something like, "That's up to you. At least it will save me attorney's costs." Ouch!
4. Make Empty Promisesr
When you took your vows you promised to "love, honor and cherish" this person and undoubtedly you didn't keep that promise. Chances are there were lots of promises that you broke over the course of your marriage. In your desperation to save your marriage from divorce, you might be tempted to promise any number of things, most of which will be difficult if not impossible to keep. So why add more fuel to your spouse's fury. You're only opening the door to allow your spouse to hit you with an onslaught of promises that you broke in the past.
5. Kick Them Out or Suggest They Leaver
The last thing you want to do is to encourage them to go. If you want to save your marriage from a divorce, you need your spouse around so that you can get a dialogue going between the two of you. You also need to buy time to allow you to try to quickly develop some conflict resolution skills or to get help to see if there is a way that you can win them back. Getting hostile and saying something to the effect of, "Well, if you're going to leave, do it now," is a bad, bad idea. Because, guess what? They will leave and it will be all the more difficult to win them back.
If you want to save your marriage from divorce, it isn't going to be easy but if you make any of these common mistakes, you're going to make the process all the more difficult.