Bitterness and Resentment In A Marriage: Overcoming Bitterness In Marriage

Resentment? What's that? According to Readers Digest Family Thesaurus, resentment means bad feelings, anger, outraged spirit, crossness, bad temper, dungeon huff, ill will, rancor, bitterness, sourness, wounded pride, hurt feelings, displeasure, animosity.

Do any of these feelings sound familiar? Do you harbor any of these feelings about your spouse? It's true, we do feel negative at times, and it is because we're hurting. We hurt because we allowed someone to hurt us. There is nothing wrong with you for having these feelings. What's wrong though, is when we harbor negative feelings inside of ourselves and don't do any thing about it.

When we don't voice our feelings in a proper manner, or not at all, it will carry a negative affect on our self and those around us.

Examples of how not expressing our self properly will harbor resentment.

(1) A husband resents his wife for gaining weight. He pokes fun at her in front of their friends and sometimes won't make love to her. Because of his behavior, she thinks he doesn't love her anymore and she is hurt and resentful.

Jabbing fun at your spouse because they have gained weight is cruel and demeaning. They may lose weight for you, but eventually gain it all back because they didn't do it for themselves. Try and back off for a while-give your spouse a chance to decide what they want to do for them self.

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(2) A wife is angry and resentful because her husband spends too much time with his buddies. When he finally does come home at night, she constantly nags at him about anything and everything and he ignores her and walks away feeling resentful.

Constantly complaining and nagging at your husband isn't going to bring him home any sooner. If you're going to nag, don't say anything at all. Get your mind occupied with something other than the fact your husbands out with his buddies instead of home with you. When he does come home, let him see you doing something you enjoy for yourself and that you aren't going to let his behavior bother you anymore. In other words, ladies, don't let your husband think you have nothing else better to do with your time, then sit around and brood over him. Continue on with the evening and forget about it. Afterwards, you'll feel so good about yourself you won't even feel resentful anymore!

Many issues like those above effect couples all the time. The goal here is to express how we feel about certain issues BEFORE they turn into resentment.

Sometimes what happens between couples is they choose to hold onto the hurt rather than express themselves. Subconsciously we do this thinking we're actually hurting our spouse, like a form of getting them back. But in reality we're only causing more of an emotional problem within our self. And we don't want that.

A healthy, growing marriage relies on both couples feeling good about who they are. In that respect there is no room for that bad feeling called resentment.

We blame our spouse for our feelings of resentment, and spend a lot of energy trying to change them into something we think will make us feel better about ourselves. But unfortunately, we find ourselves unfulfilled and wallowing in even more resentment because of it.

This is so detrimental to the marriage. These feelings can literally cause couples to think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence, but it is only a mirage, folks. The grass is not greener over there. In fact, your grass could be green again too, if only you would cultivate it better.

It's all up to you. We have choices, and we're adults! The bottom line is this, we cannot change our spouse, and we cannot expect our spouse to make us happy! Know it and believe it!

I have compiled a small list of issues that can and will turn into resentment in the home. These things are only the branches that have their roots from the tree of life. The branches are dying parts of the tree that if not attended to like a baby needs milk will eventual shrivel up and die. Take care of your marriage.

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The wife says,

- He spends too much money

- Spends too much time at work

- Spends too much time watching TV

- Womanizes & has affairs

- Controlling

- Jealousy

- Abusive (mentally and Physically)

- Drinks too much

- Unhelpful around the house and with the kids

The husbands says,

- She spends too much time at work

- Spends too much time with the kids

- Spends too much time with her family, and or friends

- Too religious

- Nags and complains

- Dresses better for others

- Spends too much money

- Gains weight

- Cold and rigid

- Too controlling

What you can do for yourself? These issues can be dealt with by proper communication and the willingness to forgive the faults and errs of your spouse.

(1) Be assertive, but kind, and express your boundaries

(2) Forgive your spouse and let go of resentment you have towards them

(3) Communicate by listening more - ask questions.

(4) Express true feelings without being afraid that you won't be loved

(5) Stop focusing on how to change your mate, but focus on how you can change yourself

(6) Find and nurture the spiritual aspect of your character

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If you've been reading and getting your love relationship advice from popular magazines to help your marriage, then you'll know first hand that the love relationship advice they provide can be rather shallow.

Sure you can learn where to bring your spouse for a nice holiday or the different ways to express your love, but what's missing is a good love relationship advice on how to build a strong marriage.

Let me fill that void with 4 useful tips below that you can start using to build a strong marriage.

Build And Maintain Trust

Trust is the core foundation of a marriage, and many marriages break down because of the lack of trust. So while a lot of love relationship advice tell you that trust can develop on its own, there's no harm putting in the extra work to enhance your marriage.

First of all, have integrity. Integrity is the consistency of your character, and examples include calling when you say you will and showing up when you promise to. And avoid making empty promises that you have no intention of keeping.

Get Each Other Involved in Financial Planning

This is one important love relationship advice, because it can get your marriage into serious trouble if you choose not to work on it. Even if there's only one bread winner in the family, both you and your spouse should get involved in financial planning.

Yes, it isn't fun to talk about money issues especially if you two are in debt, but to keep problems at bay, put aside time once a month (while you're doing the bills is a good time) to discuss your financial situation.

Believe me, it gets easier and a lot less stressful the more you two get involved.

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Make An Effort to End Your Arguments

Nobody is perfect, and your partner is bound to keep doing the same annoying things to anger you. And very often, the two of you might get into arguments and start yelling at one another.

But the truth is, your ability to diffuse post-argument tension can make or break the relationship. So this tip is a love relationship advice that you simply cannot ignore.

Couples that are married for many years and are still head over heels in love with each other know the importance of ending their arguments. They focus not on how to stop the annoying things from happening, but on stopping their arguments when it happens.

Learn how to end your arguments with your spouse, and you'll be glad you decided to heed this important love relationship advice.

Learn to Communicate Effectively

This is one of the most important love relationship advices, because many marriages end due to poor communication between spouses.

Learn to share your feelings, your plans for the future and you fears with your spouse often, and don't just stick to official matters like when the utility bills are due. That way, you'll develop a sense of intimacy with your spouse that you otherwise wouldn't develop without deep communication.

Keeping a marriage going takes trust, good communication, and attention to the things that really matter. Don't get sidetrack by useless magazine advices because the best love relationship advice isn't all about when to send roses or what to do in bed.

Next, click here now to find out why your spouse is lying to you about the reasons they want a divorce. Follow the information step by step and you will discover the truth, cut through the lies and pain, stop divorce dead in its tracks, and rebuild the strong, intimate marriage you've always wanted... even if your spouse doesn't want to!

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87%. Yes that is the divorce rate in some countries, which is completely mind blowing. I know marriages from experiences are not that easiest of things, however it seems like that people seem to lack self sacrifice, loyalty, commitments and responsibility. In this current day and age it just seems there are really few people who even take marriage seriously any more. When faced with trouble, it seems that they take the easy route and just walk out, so firstly I want to say congratulations for not being selfish and not opting for the easy route.

So, you're wondering "help me save my marriage?" In a situation of saving your marriage where your by yourself and have no one to turn to, it can be the most difficult and daunting thing to face in your life. Most people resort to counsellors for marriage however this can only work if both you and your spouse are both willing to work on your marriage. When you're in a position where your spouse wants a divorce, this options imply cannot work.

What do I really need to do to make my spouse love me again? Is it possible to build massive attraction in my spouse?

To learn the killer, advanced strategies to save your marriage, simply click here!

The biggest problem your will face in this situation is the overwhelming and draining depression and desperation you will experience. Ending a marriage is crushing experience to go through, I know how you feel from personal experience and have been in your shoes. When a marriage I on the brink of crumbling, you will be in a constant state of depression and your emotions will gain control of you. When this happens, it guides you to doing things which push your spouse further away from you which are not what you want while you are having such fragile relationship and certainly will not answer your question "help me save my marriage?".

What do I do then!-ARGHH! Help me save my marriage!? You might be asking.

Your first step to dealing with this situation from my experience is to fully accept that you as a person will not go anywhere by acting by yourself and if anything harm the relationship even more if you do. When I came to realisation of this I decided to ask for unbiased advice and this was the first step to turning the whole situation around and saving my marriage.

This is so important, make sure you acknowledge and accept you must seek outside advice first before anything!

This may seem easy however it is probably the most difficult challenge you will face but it's exactly how I saved my marriage and stopped a divorce from what looked like a situation which was heading downhill. Like yourself I needed to get outside help and when I did it changed everything, I am now your outside help and want to show you exactly what I did to save my marriage.

Do you want to reawaken a committed and loving relationship in your marriage? There are proven steps that are amazingly powerful that will help you overcome conflicts and breathe life back into your marriage. This is a plan you do not want to pass by. Click here to see the proven steps on how to save your marriage.

Your relationship began with an abundance of fun and excitement. What went wrong? Before beginning counseling there is a decision to be made for a successful relationship. Divorce is not the answer.

Relationships break down all the time, marriages fail at an alarming rate. If your desire is to have a successful relationship first you will need to decide that divorce is not an answer but in many instances will prolong your agony. Entering in to counseling without this commitment is a vote in favor of divorce.

Counseling too often ends with two partners struggling to align the counselor with their own personal agenda rather than working through the real underlying issues. This in effect drives a wedge between the partners as they try to gain the upper hand and continue to throw more fuel on the fire dredging up all the ways their spouse or partner has hurt them in the past.

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The spouse being attacked goes on the defensive and fires back. Before long every bit of progress that may have been made up to this point is lost and in fact may never be regained. It would seem by this behavior that the result that each partner is seeking is to be rid of their partner as soon as possible and they are doing everything to drive them away.

There is a better way. If you choose to pursue counseling as a couple begin with simple ground rules. Divorce is not an option and you are looking for solutions rather than dredging up past problems and making them larger than life. Another option is for one of you to take a step forward to find a positive solution.

Saying or doing the wrong thing can actually cause your spouse to feel even more distant from you. You can make your spouse fall back in love with you, all over again.

You don't have to worry about whether your spouse is on the brink of asking you for a divorce. You can control the situation and use specific techniques to naturally make them fall hopelessly in love with you.

Author's Bio: 

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There are specific techniques that will show you exactly what to do and what to say to get your spouse back in your arms- Especially if you are the only one trying... Visit Save The Marriage to find out more.

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