Although one can have the need to live their own life, it doesn’t mean that this is what takes place. Instead, one can find that they have the tendency to get caught up in what is taking place around them.

As a result of this, it is going to be normal for them to ignore their own feelings and needs. Naturally, this is going to cause them to experience a lot of pain and they could even end up feeling like a victim.

A Bystander

One can then see themselves as being on the sidelines and believe that it is only possible for other people live the kind of life whey want to live. It would be accurate to say that one is playing a supporting role in their own story.

This could be how their life has been for as long as they can remember, and one could have moments where they wonder why they are alive. Yet if this doesn’t cross their mind, they could be all too familiar with what it is like to feel hopeless.

An Extension

Along with this, one could feel as though it is their purpose to be there for others; with this being the right thing for them to do. It then won’t matter about their own life, as their life is not going to be as important as other peoples.

One has a body of their own and their own mind, but it can seem as though they are belong to other people. There is a strong chance that one will find it draining to be around others and as though they can’t be themselves.

A Different Experience

However, if one does have moments when they are able to listen to what is taking place within them, it could be something that only occurs around certain people. It could also be a sign that the people it their life are not going through a challenging time.

Due to this, there will be no reason for them to get caught up in what they are going through. Even so, the people they spend their time with are going to have a lot of control over their life, and this is likely to lead to an unstable existence.


If they are able to move forward in life and to achieve something, they might not be able to enjoy it. This is something that can all depend on who they are with, or on what someone else is going through.

At the same time, one could find that they are only able to reach a certain level in life, and that the level they reach depends on people who are in their life at any given moment. In fact, this could set one up to believe that the only way they can stop themselves from sabotaging their life is to spend time with people who are doing well; that way they will have no reason to hold themselves back.


Yet even if this was to take place, they are still going to be the whim of other people’s moods and emotions. What this comes down to is that just because someone is successful, it doesn’t mean that they will always be happy.

They are bound to have ups and downs like everyone else, and this could then stop one from being able to move forward. Their focus will be on doing what they can to make sure they don’t upset anyone.

An Effect

One way of looking at this would be to say that one’s’ life will be nothing more than an effect of what is taking place in their environment. Their true-self will rarely see the light of day and this means that most people won’t know who they are

The people that they spend their time with could pick up on this, or they could be too concerned with their own needs. As when someone ignores their own needs, they are often going attract people who are self-absorbed.

Health Problems

Not only can this mean that one takes on other peoples emotional states and sabotages their own success, it can also affect their health. For example, they could be in the company of someone who is unwell and before they know it, they end up feeling the same way.

What this will show is that it is not just what is taking place at a mental and emotional level that is being defined by others; it is also what is taking place at a biological level. Therefore, while they are physically separate, it can be as if they are nothing more than an extension of others.

Destructive Empathy

It is then not that one finds it hard to put themselves in other people’s shoes; it is that they spend far too much time doing so. Also, they don’t just allow themselves to experience what other people are going through; they end up taking on their problems.

A Deeper Look

What this is likely to show is that although one is physically separate from others, they don’t feel as though it is safe for them to exist. Energetically they are likely to be wide open and they can feel emotionally exposed, and unless this changes they will continue to take on what doesn’t belong to them.

It is then not simply going to be about one learning to say ‘no’ or changing their behaviour, for instance, as it will be far more complex than this. The reason they are experiencing life in this way can be down to what their childhood was like.

Early Years

During their formative years, one may have been brought up by someone who lacked boundaries, and this would have caused them to be violated in a number of ways. This could have been someone who was emotionally unstable, for instance, and this could have meant that one would have felt like they were walking on eggshells.

Thus, through being walked over and being around someone who was so unpredictable, they didn’t get the care that they need to feel safe in their body and to individuate. Tuning into their caregivers emotional state would have been matter of life or death.


It is then going to very important for them to get the assistance that they need to develop boundaries, and this can be provided by a therapist. One could be carrying trauma and they could also be emotionally undeveloped.

Author's Bio: 

Prolific writer, author, and coach, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over one thousand in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice. His current projects include 'A Dialogue With The Heart' and 'Communication Made Easy'.

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