There is a reason you picked your partner, and there is a reason why you have friction in your relationship. The areas that are still unresolved are due to the inability to overcome the potentially meaningful challenges. If you are willing to take full responsibility for your life and make a decision that is in your own best interest then from here on out it must be with this purpose in mind.

Often couples wonder how they can make sense of their differences.

This is where it is so important to gain some awareness about powerful questions to ask, what new beliefs you can begin to entertain as you start to create a bridge into new territory. Making sense of your differences is a vital step in taking your relationship from ordinary to extraordinary.

There is not a right or wrong here, just distinctly different ways of viewing the world.

Once each partner can begin to take full responsibility for themselves without projecting, blaming and seeing the other as wrong then there is an opportunity for reframing differences and bridging the gap.

It has been said that the quality of the questions that one asks will determine the quality of the life (results) a person experiences.

When you ask a deep powerful question your subconscious mind will go to work on how to make it happen by bringing suggestions or thoughts into your conscious awareness.

Often in our intimate relationships we ask the wrong questions…we might ask, “why can’t my partner understand what I need?”

Bring to mind the main differences you see that you have with your partner. You may want to write it down. Also write down how you believe your partner sees it.

What are some empowering questions you can ask yourself about the differences you have with your partner?

Keep in mind there is not a right or wrong here, just different points of view. Hint: Get curious about what the benefit might be for you, i.e., “I am curious about this belief my partner has and want to know more about it. I wonder what it means to him/her?” I wonder what the benefit in them having this belief might be? (Or the payoff). Now do the same for your view/belief.

Consider this reframe:

The problems and challenges that are inherent in your relationship are perfect. They mirror where you are currently are in your understanding of yourself and your awareness about relationships. They are the building blocks and the stepping-stones to a true transformation, which could take your relationship from ordinary to extraordinary.

If you could become curious and interested to look at your self and your mate without judgment, and then ask what is your responsibility in the challenge you face. This is an empowering response, which takes the problem and turns it into an opportunity for growth.

Consider this reframe:

You are not a victim of your partner’s behavior unless you choose to be….look at the behavior as an opportunity.

Change what your partner’s behavior is doing to you to what it is doing for you. What gift of learning more about yourself do the circumstances that you are presented with offer you?


You gain a greater understanding of yourself and your partner in this phase and you explore new viewpoints, yours and you partners’. It is often in this bridging step that you realize it does not need to be “your way or the highway.” Your partner’s way of looking at the world has validity from the way they were raised, and from their internalized interpretations of what relationships were supposed to be like.

The gap is likely to be a rich place where you gain more insight and awareness about yourself and your partner as you begin to build a bridge to your future.

Author's Bio: 

Valerie is a certified coach/consultant, author and speaker and CEO of Inspired Living Now for Couples. Her company offers programs for couples, many whom are entrepreneurs ready for quantum success personally and professionally, focusing on vision, purpose and mindset.

Her husband, a Licensed Marriage Family Therapist and an expert in relationship building is a consultant in the business.

Together they have joined forces because they know how painful it can be to love someone yet be in an ordinary relationship with all the struggles and pain when extraordinary should be the norm. It is their passion to help couples create success is their business and relationship; it does not have to be a neither or situation.

In the Courageous Loving program couples and singles ready for extraordinary relationships will learn a 7-step process to create personal and professional success.