Part of bringing in the new includes leaving the old behind. Let go of outdated ways of being and thinking, old patterns in ourselves and the collective psyche.

We can have a hard time bringing in something new - a new behavior, a new boyfriend/girlfriend, job, whatever it is you want, until we clean out the closets in our personal space to make room for something new. I know, I know, this can be hard to do. So how do we do it?

The first step includes letting the mind relax and thus begin to release old self-definition - and any tendency to cling to 'selfness'. Allow your mind to rest for a few minutes as you read this -imagine the conscious mind is gently breathing in to a count of 5 and exhaling to a count of 5. As you let the mind relax - imagine the space around you encircling you like a gentle blanket of universal love. Feel yourself floating in the spaciousness that is. Imagine being in 'is-ness', a vast spacious nurturing gel of comfort. Eckhart Tolle says that for a truly fulfilling love relationship, we need to learn to leave "selfness" behind. The benefit is this: "If you stop investing it with 'selfness', the mind loses its compulsive quality, which is basically the compulsion to judge and to resist what is..."

Thus, you more easily access what is - universal love. Once you are not as fearful of losing your 'selfness', you are more connected to feelings of bliss. You are more flexible and able to jump between the states of 'oneness' and 'individuality'. This flexibility helps you to re-define yourself at any time because you are not as attached to old states of being. Universal love is the creative force behind our daily lives.

We can also use this power of universal love to cleanse and heal the collective psyche - you may notice that some old archetypes of what it means to be masculine in this culture are starting to fade. We are now 'downloading' new archetypes that help both men and women enjoy being in polarity. (It may help to read my article "When Emotional Intimacy and Sensuality Marry" on this site if you are unfamiliar with the concept of polarity.) Playing in the new field of polarity, women can enjoy the sensual bliss of being in surrender as a temporary game, not as a rigid role, for example. Men can begin to learn to integrate being a 'nice guy' with a bit of playful 'bad boy'. (I hear just a bit of uncomfortable protests from the collective unconscious as I bring this up - just notice it, laugh, and let it pass.)

Instead of leaving those archetypal roles of 'bad boy' and 'damsel in distress' in the collective unconscious closet, locked up and repressed, let's rescue them from the murky depths and give them new honor. Are you with me?

Here's a tantric game you can play - (you can take turns if you'd like). As you arrive home one evening - let your lover pretend to be a dark pirate and whisk you away to the bedroom. Gaze into each others eyes and connect at the heart. Have some silky ties set up (preferably beforehand for spontaneity), so that the dark pirate can tie you up. Revel in the bliss of surrender and the sensation of the silk. Let the pirate whisper, lovingly, some of the dark, naughty, bad-boy fantasies he's had about you. The rest is up to you. Enjoy!

Author's Bio: 

Barbara has a BA in Biology and an MA and PhD in Psychology, with a specialty in Mind-Body Health. She is a certified spiritual counselor and coach, and was also trained in past life regression by Brian Weiss, MD. She's trained in integrative Eastern and Western techniques to help couples improve their sexual relationship. Barbara teaches clients integrated tools that help them create the life and relationships they envision. She’s been featured in Cosmopolitan Magazine’s Love and Lust column as well as other international media sources.

A client recently said that just by doing the meditation techniques in her class, their business and income expanded greatly because they were more centered and present. Another client lost the fear to ask for what they wanted in life in general, so they asked for and received double their salary and several months’ vacation. Clients have revitalized their love lives and become more comfortable with themselves. The techniques she teaches are unique and powerful. She can teach you techniques to get out of the struggle mode and regain your sense of self, while still having an enjoyable work and family life using a holistic, integrated approach incorporating both traditional goal-setting techniques as well as alternative techniques derived from acupressure and yoga to help you raise your self-esteem, feel balanced, and reach your goals more quickly.

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