I’m confident that you recognize both the importance and the value of love in your life. The benefits of both loving and being loved are widely accepted, but have you considered what it means to be in love? Being in love means different things to different people, but true love revolves around two people sharing an emotionally intimate experience. Sounds good, but how do you get there? Well, emotional intimacy is a special shared relationship, one that is sealed in trust. This seal of trust is what makes you both feel safe to disclose who you really are to each other without fear of being judged or, worse still, being condemned for your honesty. When we feel safe to be revealed and exposed, we are free from the need to become other than who we really are. Have you ever had to become someone else for the benefit of another person? Perhaps you did so because you were seeking approval or acceptance. If you’ve played this role, you know how uncomfortable it can be. In some instances, you may even wonder if being your true self is too risky. The truth is, you are already valuable, and when you deny your true self, the one who is most deceived is you. Remember the old adage: “To thine own self be true.” In emotionally intimate relationships, you willingly share and safely share your true self. Remember when you are real; you eliminate the need to pretend. You know, pretense is a form of manipulation.

What do you really share during these emotionally intimate experiences? When you reveal yourself honestly, you are telling others your strengths, your weaknesses, what you are prepared to offer them, what you have need for from them, what ideals you stand for, what thoughts you have about the many challenges that confront us daily. It’s even okay to share things that we are afraid of and also the fantasies that we have. Do you have this kind of sharing in your relationship? If not, maybe that’s the missing piece that you’ve been longing for?

You ask, “Isn’t that difficult to accomplish?” The answer is that it does require courage but it can be accomplished, when we recognize that all love is based on honesty. To be less than honest is to forsake love. So simple, yet so often overlooked.

If you recognize the benefit of having emotional intimacy in your relationship, by all means, join me in an adventure of learning - one that will once and for all, end the cycle of wanting and not having.

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