Can A Baby Save A Marriage: Can A Baby Bring A Couple Back Together

Do you feel like everything is falling apart and all your attempts to save the marriage and keep your husband next to you seem destined to fail? Don't listen to the voices telling you a baby is your only shot! You do not want to bring a creature into the world just to blackmail your husband into remaining next to you.

Assuming you do it, and your spouse gives up on the painful idea of getting the divorce, how is that going to help you? He will never love you, and, no matter how much he will love your baby, he will never be able to compensate.

Now, you are convinced his presence is enough, but later on, when you'll see him thinking of someone else, wishing to be somewhere else, you'll want him to pay attention to you, to think of you. And what about the nights when you'll go to bed next to him and he won't want to touch you, or he'll do it distant, mechanical and passionless?

Are you ready for that? Are you ready for him shouting back at you one day and saying you ruined his chances at happiness?

And that is just if he does decide to stay with you for the sake of the baby and try to save the marriage. Yet, quite a few men walk away without thinking of what they leave behind, or they simply decide to take the responsibility, but outside the marriage.

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What if he says he will take care of the baby but he still wants nothing to do with you? What if you end up in court, fighting for custody, or worse, ruining your baby's childhood with your fights and reproaches?

It is cruel, and it is probably nothing of what you expected to hear, but just the fact that your are hurt and desperate doesn't give you the right to make harsh decisions, to play with an innocent life.

Later on, you may think of starting all over again, next to someone else. Are you sure that person would accept your baby? Are your sure you are ready for the consequences?

The truth is that, at the end of the day, each marriage and each relationship involves two parties. When one wants out, the other has no right to prevent it. If your husband loves you, if there are any chances for you too to remain together, you will surely find the way back to one another, the solution to save the marriage you so much treasure, your way to happiness.

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No matter how hard you try, at some point in your relationship you are going to feel hurt by something your partner said or did. You may be lied to, misunderstood, or feel rejected. If not addressed, these hurts will lead you further away from the loving relationship you want and keep you locked in the past.

If you and your partner have hit a stalemate - or you just want to get your relationship moving in the right direction again after a painful interaction - here are 5 steps you can take:

1) Ask your partner if he or she would be willing to have a conversation with you about the "incident."

In order for healing to occur, you must have the opportunity to express your pain and hurt. This is not the time to blame your partner, or punish your partner for what they've done; this is a time to speak about your pain openly and clearly. How did it feel to be betrayed? What did this do to your sense of self and your feeling of safety within the relationship?

2) Ask the offending partner to be a good listener.

As difficult as it may be, it is important that the offending partner not justify or defend the behavior, but merely listen and acknowledge the hurt that has been inflicted. Help your partner to understand that being a good listener will help heal hurt feelings, as well as help to re-establish the ability for you to trust one another again.

3) Ask the offending partner to explain what motivated his or her behavior.

No one made your partner do what he or she did; your partner made the choice to act in an inappropriate way that harmed your relationship. But what was going on in his or her life that might have led to this? What stress was he under? Had she been feeling alienated in your relationship? What might he have been "searching" for?

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4) If you've caused your partner pain, apologize for your behavior.

Take responsibility for your actions. Express regret and remorse for the actions that caused your partner to feel wounded.

5) Work towards forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a big key to a successful relationship. Part of forgiveness involves "ceasing to demand punishment or restitution". Another definition could be "giving up my right to hurt you for hurting me".

This dialogue is a coming together to have one's need for connection and safety met after a breach in the relationship and sets the stage for forgiveness. There is no possibility for forgiveness without a conversation in which each partner helps the other to understand exactly what he or she is feeling about the incident. Forgiveness flows naturally from this dialogue as a way of releasing the hold that our anger and hurt has had on us and kept us locked in the past.

If both of you are sincere, engaging in a dialogue like the one described above will help you and your partner to let go of painful feelings, forgive one another, and re-establish a greater sense of connection and safety between you again.

Forgiveness Is Not:

- Condoning poor behavior

- Convincing yourself that things are fine and returning to an abusive situation

- Unconditional love without boundaries or accountability

- Denial that a hurtful situation exists or that your feelings are hurt

Forgiveness Is:

- Being able to let go of the anger and despair surrounding a hurt

- Taking responsibility for soothing one's own feelings

- Acting in an effective and responsible way toward one's partner

- Taking care of yourself in healthy ways so you can move forward in your life

When you forgive, you take back a sense of yourself as being lovable and worthy. Ultimately, forgiveness is a choice that we each need to make for ourselves, and not necessarily for our partners. Though we certainly can forgive our partner directly if that feels right, forgiveness is more about finding peace in our own lives after a difficult event so that we can look to the future rather than remaining stuck in the past.

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Why, oh why do marriages ever have to go off the rails? It just doesn't seem possible that roughly 50% of first-time marriages (and higher for second and third marriages) end in divorce.

After all, don't we all believe the myriad fairy tales we have seen about the prince sweeping the princess off of her feet and riding away to their honeymoon cottage on a white steed, to live happily ever after?

Obviously, most of us are not quite that naive. But, we're close. That is, when we get married, most people just do not let the thought cross their minds that their marriage could become just another divorce statistic one day. Rather, we all tell ourselves that OUR marriage is special and that things could never one day get so bad as to lead to a separation or divorce.

If you have had the misfortune to be far enough down the road of marital unhappiness as to consider the possibility of splitting up with your spouse, you have probably been considering all of your options. One such option is of course divorce itself, but another option is that of marriage separation.

You may be wondering why some people would choose separation over divorce. What are some good reasons to choose marriage separation? The following are 5 reasons why some couples choose separation over divorce:

1. Separation is a way to give the relationship more time:

By choosing separation, the couple is able to buy themselves some additional time to see if they can't just work things out in the relationship. Divorce has such a ring of finality to it, whereby with separation the couple remains legally married - making things much easier financially, legally and emotionally should the relationship turn out to be salvageable.

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2. Insurance and other benefits remain in effect:

From a financial standpoint, any benefits, policies, and plans of a financial or insurance-related nature that specify the couple be married remain in effect. That means that both of you are "covered" with any existing medical insurance, life insurance and other financial instruments should they be needed during the separation period.

3. It keeps both members of the couple from marrying, at least during the separation:

Separation is a legal agreement in the United States. Therefore, the couple may not seek out marriage with others during the separation period. This is another safeguard that could end up allowing the marriage to be saved.

4. Marital separation can be a way to lessen the drama during a breakup:

Since separation feels like a less permanent solution, some couples use it as a way to reduce the high drama that divorce often brings. This makes it easier to sort out the couple's financial and legal affairs, regardless of which way the relationship ends up going.

5. Members of the couple may decide later to give the marriage another chance:

Of course, the couple may well decide to give things another chance. It is not uncommon for separated couples to get back together to lead happy married lives. In this way, too, separation is very much preferable to divorce.

Couples can love one another and yet find themselves drifting apart and headed for a divorce. There are steps you can take, with or without the aid of your spouse to get your marriage back into the loving place it once was.

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Friendliness is a wisdom that wins every fight. It is impossible to fight someone who insists on being friendly. It refuses temptation to hurt, continuing to hope for the best in the other person and the relationship.

Friendliness insists on the relational ideal: I am no threat to you and you can be no threat to me.

It thrives on the belief that all things are possible through believing in the other person's capacity to respond to and in love.

Friendliness must surely be a form of godliness. There is nothing in it that can be restrained, for it is free to love as surely as if there was no such thing as hurt.

Conflict is something that potentially breaches both parties' trust, but if a gentle and confident form of friendliness is present in one, the other soon has the freedom to trust again.

Perhaps simply being friendly is a beautiful mix of gentleness, kindness, meekness, patience, and compassion that equals love. If I cannot be threatened and I can prove I am no threat to you, we are both in a safe and good place, together.

Of course, friendliness has to be underpinned by a good dose of humility, because pride is too easily threatened. It must have faith to walk forward believing the best in another person who is potentially assaulting us. It should also be impervious to fear; worry for reputation and regard is not the domain of a person given to friendliness.

Friendliness transcends the option to fight, opting instead for decisions that promote freedom.

Those with the gift of friendliness must be wary, however, for everyone has the potential to be burned.

Now Listen Carefully-

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Author's Bio: 

50% of people divorce. Do not be another statistic. You Can Save Your Marriage These powerful techniques will allow you to trust again and ignite the fire and passion back into your relationship. Save Your marriage today! Click Here

Divorce does not have to be your only option. Even if it feels as though your relationship can't be saved because of the ongoing conflicts between you and your spouse, it can be. There are techniques that you can begin using today that will not only stop a divorce, but will help also you build a stronger and more loving marriage.

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