Caught Between An Ex and a New Possibility

Yesterday, one of my clients reached out to me. In our sessions, we have been releasing the hurt, disappointment and anger at the man she loves. We’ve helped ease the pain of missing him, too. She is diligently working on her daily gratitude project.

In creating her attraction plan for the ideal man for her, Maria (not her real name) realized that she was not receiving much of what she really wanted in a relationship. Although this relationship was a huge improvement from her prior ones, Maria had such a low expectation of how she deserves to be treated that she felt lucky to be with him. She also did genuinely love him. There were many positive aspects to the relationship.

However, once she realized that she was tired of being at the bottom of his list, things began to shift. She wanted to be a priority to the man she was planning on spending her life with, and Maria finally acknowledged this to herself. Yet, even though we reach a place that we know we want and deserve more, it is still difficult to let go and move on. There is the love, the connection, and the memories. In the end she has to decide what is more important to her. Staying in a comfort zone of relationships where her needs are not being met, where she is doing all the giving or to allow herself to grow and learn from the experience. In working together, Maria has come to understand that her constant giving to others is stemming from a place of lack. She is trying to earn the love and acceptance of others. So, she is learning to treat herself with respect and love,

She went on Match.com and has a date coming up. They made contact through the site, a few emails, and a phone call, and set up a meeting. She then got caught up in the frenzy of texts and something in her shut down. Maria realized that she is not ready for another relationship, and not ready to let go either of her ex. She is not sure that he is an ex. There is a pattern of him pulling away from Maria needing his space. So there was never an official break up. But after 2 months of not seeing each other and very little communication, Maria had decided she was done and ready to move on.

So she is caught between the old and what wasn’t working and what lies ahead, and both are scary. She has a choice to make. This is the empowering step she must take for her own soul, to make a decision and not leave it up to the man she loves.

By the way communicating constantly with text or emails before even meeting is not a good idea. It creates a false sense of intimacy, comfort, and familiarity. Yes, it does ease the loneliness and the attention is great, yet it confuses things before you even meet.