Celebrating the Highly Sensitive Personality

Long before I was seriously ill, I often had a sense that I felt emotions more deeply and painfully than many of my friends and colleagues. Things seemed to roll off their backs, while I became greatly affected in some way by what I'd seen or heard.

I easily picked up on how others were feeling, and their energies affected my own. I was forever concerned about what the people around me were undergoing: had I said or done something to offend them, and what did that look they just gave me actually mean?

It was important for me to put others' needs before my own. I felt uncomfortable if my needs were met ahead of theirs, and I worried about what they'd think of me. One of my strongest convictions was that it was my responsibility to help, and even save, others. I remember as a young girl my father saying, "You can't save the world!" and me thinking, "But I have to!"

I always wished I could be a bit less emotional when discussing heartfelt matters; a little less moved when watching movies, or listening to accounts of bravery and courage; a bit more thick skinned when it came to making decisions. I seemed to be so highly sensitive and it was far from a blessing. What was wrong with me?

Not only did EFT enable me to overcome Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), it also helped me address all of these worries and self-criticisms. I freed myself from the burden (as I believed it to be) of being sensitive and began to see the positives, possibilities and full potential, which come from having this type of personality.

Far from it being a 'burden', I was able to see that I - and anyone who experienced similar beliefs and behaviour patterns - had a lot to offer. Highly sensitive people are extremely intuitive, making them aware of what others are thinking and feeling. Their empathy enables them to be very understanding of someone's situation, and perceptive to their needs. All valuable traits when working with other people.

When I started working with clients who are chronically ill, I became fascinated as I listened to the way they talked: their experiences; their thoughts about themselves and the world; their desire to make a difference in the world, yet constantly feeling overwhelmed by the prospect, and how they consistently pushed themselves to be perfect. Often, they confessed they felt different, and misunderstood, as though something was 'wrong' with them.

Of course, I'm not suggesting that only clients who were ill talked in this way to me, but I couldn't deny the correlation. I now believe that many people with a chronic illness have a highly sensitive personality, and healing the self-criticism sometimes caused by it, is paramount to healing the symptoms of illness and pain.

From my experiences of working with chronically ill people for five years, I also believe highly sensitive people could well be more predisposed to illness. The very essence of their nature is to be helpful to the point of putting themselves second. They are usually perfectionists, striving to ensure everything in their life is just right; from work projects, to family relations, to making sure their time is spent usefully. They can become easily overwhelmed by all that needs to be accomplished, and by what they observe around them, and may feel a sense of despair when they consider things outside of their control.

All of this is very demanding on the body. If these beliefs and behaviour patterns are at the root of our being - and are seen as a misfortune - then every-day stress, or specific traumas will make a further impact, and inevitably, the body will shout out for change. In other words, stop functioning at its best in some way.

When working with clients who have presented these thoughts and feelings, the first aspect I usually address is how angry they are with themselves because they are "so sensitive" or "so emotional". Reframing this, so that they start to recognise the miracle which underlies being sensitive, enables them to value their empathic and intuitive abilities.

EFT can easily dissolve the limiting belief "It's wrong to be this sensitive", and instead of someone asking, "What's wrong with me because I feel this so deeply?", after using EFT, they'll be making the list "What's right with me for feeling this so deeply?" Dissolving the negative emotions around who we are and what we feel leads the way to forgiveness, and with forgiveness comes physical healing.

The following EFT may be useful if you are reading this and noticing similarities in the way you think, feel and behave:

Even though I'm angry with myself because I'm so sensitive, for the moment I have decided to accept myself anyway

Even though I wish I were more thick-skinned, and didn't get hurt so easily, I deserve to accept myself for being me

Even though I've always thought being this sensitive was a weakness, what if it's actually a strength?

Top of head: I'm angry with myself because I feel everything so deeply

Eyebrow: Why am I so sensitive?

Side of eye: I can feel what they're feeling

Under eye: and I worry that I've hurt them in some way

Under nose: I seem to absorb everything

Chin: and it's so tiring!

Collarbone: I feel so different

Under arm: What's wrong with me?

Top of head: Perhaps I could turn this around

Eyebrow: and think about this from another perspective

Side of eye: It's good that I am capable of feeling things this deeply

Under eye: It's right that I'm so aware of what others are thinking and feeling

Under nose: I can be helpful and supportive

Chin: I can make a difference

Collarbone: and I deserve to do this in a triumphant way

Under arm: I choose to celebrate who I am and how I feel

Truly accepting who we are and how we are feeling is the first step to healing wounds, new and old. Reframing our perspective to allow us to see the gifts inherent in deep sensitivity frees those gifts to blossom. EFT can help us to do both.