Although someone may live in an area that is relatively safe, it doesn’t mean that they will typically feel safe. Based on how they often feel, it could be as if they live in a warzone.

So, from practically the moment they wake up until the moment they fall asleep, they could seldom feel at ease. And, even when they are asleep, they could often have bad dreams and even nightmares.

A Restricted Existence

To try to manage how they feel, they might not do a great deal and might only do what they have to do. Staying at home and being in their own company or perhaps the company of another is then going to be something that they prefer to do.

Therefore, they could go to work, go shopping and meet a few friends from time to time but that could be it. What might not interest them is going very far from their home or travelling to another country.

The Norm

Now, as this is likely to be what is normal, it might not be something that stands out. This is then going to be a big part of their life but they won’t have taken a step back and thought, ‘I experience a lot of fear and anxiety’.

Their life is then going to be consumed by what is going on and they are unlikely to look into what they can do about it. However, sooner or later, something may happen that will make them take a step back and reflect on their life.

Another Part

If this does happen, it could be said that this will be something that their true self has manifested; the part of them that wants to freely express themselves and not live in an invisible prison. This hidden part of them will have played a part in something taking place ‘out there’ that will have made them stop and think about what is going on.

So, this could mean that they have had a conversation with someone, read something, or heard something, Either way, a part of them that was unable to get through to them directly will have been able to get through to them indirectly.


After thinking about how they experience life, they could wonder why they find it so hard to feel at ease and have the need to hide from life. They could see that being this way is not allowing them to truly live.

Each day is likely to be a struggle and just getting to the end of each day could be seen as an achievement. Thus, it won’t be a case of them making the most of each day; it will just be a case of them seeing it though.


What they might also do is end up judging themselves for being this way and not making the most of their life. If so, this could partly be a consequence of them living in a society that is focused on doing, not being, and is critical of those who are unable to perform like a well-oiled machine at all times.

Nonetheless, if they are unable to embrace life, there is likely to be a very good reason for it. It certainly doesn’t mean that they deserve to be put down, criticised or seen as weak, by themselves or others.

What’s going on?

If this is how they have been for as long as they can remember, it may show that their formative years were anything but nurturing. This may have been a stage of their life when they had at least one parent that was abusive.

Being put down, humiliated and physically harmed would then have been the rule, not the exception. Along with this, they might have often been abandoned and isolated from others.

Deeply Deprived

At a stage of their life, then, when they needed their parents to love and protect them and provide them with safety, was a time when they were not loved, protect or given the safety that they needed. Instead of being able to grow and develop in the right way, they would have been deeply traumatised and unable to grow and develop in the right way.

What it was like for them at home would have also provided them with a model of what it was like in the world. Naturally, if they were unable to feel safe at home, why would they expect the world to be safe?

Frozen In Time

What took place will be over, of course, but a big part of them won't have moved on from this stage of their life. Most if not all of the pain and arousal that they experienced will still be held inside them.

Unless this changes, it won’t be possible for them to truly feel at ease and to see the world differently. Working through this pain and arousal will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, inner child and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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