As a result of being abused and/or neglected as a child, someone may find it hard to let go and to relax now that they are an adult. Thanks to this, they can have the need to always be in control and on the go.

Now, there could be moments when one thinks about how their early years are still affecting how they behave as an adult. One will then be aware of what is going on but that will be as far as it will go.

Carrying On

For whatever reason, they won’t feel the need to do anything about how they are experiencing life. Perhaps, due to how long it has been this way for, they don’t believe that they can do anything about it.

Living in this way is likely to take a heavy toll on their life, yet they will continue to experience life in the same way. There could come a point in time when they will end up feeling exhausted and are no longer able to live in this way.

Another Experience

Conversely, one could live life in this way and have absolutely no idea as to why their life is the way that it is. What this is likely to show is that their mind has blocked out what took place when they were younger.

Due to how painful their early years were, it would have been too much for their mind to handle. Therefore, their mind would have had to disconnect from what was taking place to ensure their survival.


However, although this will stop them from having to remember what took place; it won’t have allowed them to truly put what happened behind them. There could even be times when they remember parts of what took place when they were younger.

If not in their waking life, they could have dreams and even nightmares that reflect what took place when they were younger. So if they were able to fully reconnect with what took place when they were younger, they would probably see how much their adult life has in common with their early childhood years.

Back In Time

During their formative years, it might not have been safe enough for them to settle into their body and to just be. Instead, they may have had to be on alert at all times in order to try to stop themselves from being harmed.

What this will illustrate is how dangerous their early environment was, and how this was not somewhere where they felt safe and secure. They may have been physically harmed on a regular basis, along with being verbally and emotionally abused.

A Traumatic Time

This was supposed to be a time in their life when they received what they needed to be able to grow and develop. But as they didn’t receive the love, care, nurturance and attunement that they needed to grow and develop, they would have had to have done the best that they could to survive.

This stage of their life would have been very similar to what it is like for someone who is in a warzone. One of the main differences is that it would have been their own family that were causing them problems.

One Priority

Being on alert (hypervigilant) and on guard wouldn’t have stopped them from being hurt, yet it may have minimised the harm that did occur. Behaving in this way would have been something that just took place, not something that they consciously chose to do.

Also, reacting in this way would have given them a sense of control, thereby made them believe that they could do something about what was going on. Thus, even though there was very little that they could have done, having this outlook would have served them – maybe even giving them a sense of hope.

A New Beginning

Throughout this stage of their life, then, they would have spent a lot of time in survival mode, with adrenalin running through their being. All this stress wouldn’t have done them any good then and it won’t be doing them any good now.

The key will be for them to let go of their need to always be in control and to relax. Nonetheless, unless what is taking place inside them changes, it is unlikely that they will be able to do this.

Going Deeper

Opening up, surrender and letting life in will be seen as too much of a risk at this point in time, which is why they will need to question what they believe and to work through the pain that is inside them. There will be the beliefs that they need to change, the emotional wounds that they need to heal, and the trauma that they need to resolve.

If they take the first step on their healing journey and keep going, their inner world will gradually change. As this takes place, their view of the world will change and their personal reality will change too.


If one can relate to this, and they want to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided by the assistance of a therapist or a healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, three hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to -

Feel free to join the Facebook Group -