If someone’s life is not very fulfilling and they were to take a step back and reflect, a number of things could enter their mind. So, they could see that their relationships are not very nurturing and that it is normal for them to be ignored, put down and treated badly.

Due to this, they are likely to often feel worthless, unloved and invisible. Additionally, they could often feel anxious, fearful and as though their life is going to come to an end.

A Bleak Existence

But, while they will want their life to change, they could feel helpless and hopeless. As far as they are concerned, their life could be the way that it is because they are unlucky or unfortunate, for instance.

In this case, there will be very little that they can do and they will have to hope that their life changes sooner or later. If it was put forward to them that they are playing a part in what is taking place, they could find this hard to accept.

A Natural Outcome

Naturally, as experiencing life in this way is causing them to suffer, it is to be expected that they would respond in this way. Nonetheless, even though they don’t want to experience life in this way, it doesn’t mean they are not playing a part.

What they will need to think about is that along with having a conscious mind, they also have an unconscious mind. And, this other part of them is having an effect on how they experience life.

A Vast Container

This other part of them will hold painful feelings, unmet development needs and rejected parts of them, among other things. In other words, what they have experienced as an adult and when they were a child will have left its mark on this part of them.

Now, when it comes to their unmet developmental needs, these needs are going to have an effect on the experiences that they do and don’t have. Ultimately, these needs will cause them to look for what they missed out on very early on.

A Matter of Degree

How many unmet developmental needs they have and how strong these needs are, can depend on what their early years were like. If this was a time when they were deeply deprived, then, they are likely to have a lot and they are likely to be very strong.

This may have been a time when they were often physically harmed, verbally put down and abandoned. What they needed to grow and develop in the right way wouldn’t have been provided and they would have been deeply wounded in the process.

Repeating The Past

One of the main ways that their unconscious mind will try to fulfil these unmet development needs is by causing them to co-create old scenarios. But, as their brain will have blocked out what took place in order to protect them, they won’t have been able to join the dots, so to speak.

If, then, they were able to remember what took place during their early years, they would probably soon see how a lot of what is taking place for them as an adult is very similar to what happened to them all those years ago. The faces will be different, of course, but what takes place and how they feel won’t be.

The Same Old Story

Consequently, it won’t be possible for them to receive what they missed out on. But, even if they were to unconsciously create scenarios that were different, it still wouldn’t be possible for them to meet these unmet needs.

What this comes down to is that it is too late for them to fulfil these unmet developmental needs. These needs, and the pain that goes with them, will need to be faced and experienced.

It Takes Time

As they are likely to carry a lot of unmet developmental needs and pain inside them, this is unlikely to be something that will take place overnight. If all of the material that is held inside them was to enter their conscious awareness, they would probably end up falling apart.

Therefore, having these needs and pain inside them will cause them to endlessly repeat scenarios where they are deprived of what they needed as a child and need as an adult but this will also benefit them. The sooner they start to work through these needs and pain, the sooner their life will change.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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