As an adult, someone may be in a position where they don’t have a strong connection with their feelings. If this is the case, they are going to miss out on a lot of valuable information.

The reason for this is that this part of them is there to provide them with feedback. This feedback will let them know what is and isn’t right for them and, thus, it will play a key part in what will allow them to have a fulfilling life.

The Outcome

Due to not having a strong connection, it can be normal for them to be overly reliant on their intellect and the feedback of others. But, even though they are out of touch with themselves, they could still be ‘successful’.

However, if they are, it is unlikely to be the type of success that is really meaningful for them. Consequently, they can be seen as having made it in the eyes of others, but that might be about as far as it goes.

Another Outcome

Additionally, not being connected to this part of them is going to make it harder for them to form deeper connections with others. Of course, they will be able to connect mentally with others but this won’t be the same.

There will be the effect that this has on their friendships and their intimate relationships. And, while it is not likely to be much of an issue when it comes to their friendships, it is likely to be an issue when it comes to intimate relationships.

Emotionally Distant

So, if they were to get into a relationship, their ability to feel close to their partner is going to be undermined. This is likely to be something that their partner will realise in one way or another.

If their partner is in tune with their feelings, they can sense that they themselves are distant and are not in tune with them. This can then mean that their time together will come to an end before long.

A Painful Time

When this takes place, it could be a time when they will feel very low and find it hard to do just about anything. They will then have gone into a collapsed physical state, and they could come to believe that they are depressed.

If they were to pay a visit to their doctor, they could end up being put on medication. This might allow them to function again but it probably won’t do much else.

What’s going on?

Now, irrespective of if they are put on medication, they could end up wondering why their life is this way. They will see that they don’t have a strong connection with their feelings and they will want this to change.

If they were to try to connect with how they feel, they might find that they don’t get very far. At this point, they might question if there is something inherently wrong with them and if they are missing something.

A Closer Look

What they may find, if they were to step back and reflect on their life, is that they have been this way for as long as they can remember. This may illustrate that what took place during their formative years is one of the main reasons if not the main reason why they are this way.

If they were to think about what took place at this stage of their life, they might not be able to remember a great deal. They could also say that their childhood wasn’t that bad and that their parent or parents did the best that they could.

Going Deeper

Still, this may have been a stage of their life when they had at least one parent who generally didn’t attune to their needs and feelings. This may have been because their ability to do this was damaged perhaps due to what they experienced when they were growing up.

Either way, not receiving the attunement that they needed would have deeply wounded them. They would have had to lose touch with their feelings and a number of their needs as it would have been too painful for them to both feel and need things.

A Brutal Time

Along with losing touch with their feelings and a number of their needs, as they were egocentric, they would have come to believe that there was something inherently wrong with themselves. They would then have gradually lost touch with their true self and created a disconnected false self.

But, as this parent’s ability to attune was most likely damaged, how they were treated had absolutely nothing to do with them. Therefore, their needs and feelings are not bad; they are simply a normal part of being human.

Moving Forward

And, as they were deprived throughout this stage of their life, they are going to carry a lot of pain and unmet developmental needs. This pain and these needs will be held inside their unconscious mind.
Facing this pain and experiencing these unmet developmental needs will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they may need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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