If someone was to take a step back and reflect on their life, they may see that they don’t have a strong connection with their feelings. As a result, they are going to spend a lot of time in a disconnected state.

Not being in tune with this part of them is going to undermine them. This is because their feelings are there to provide them with feedback and allow them to embrace life.

Two Parts

Without this connection, then, they are going to miss out on a lot of guidance. This guidance will relate to what is or isn’t right for them at each moment and how they need to live their life in general.

Not being able to deeply feel will mean that life won’t have the same effect on them as it would otherwise. It will be as if they are typically just moving their hands over water as opposed to actually getting their whole body in.

Another Element

Along with this, they can find it hard to feel good about themselves and accept that they are lovable. It will then be normal for them to feel bad and unlovable.

Furthermore, standing up for themselves could be an issue and they could have the tendency to be submissive. Thanks to this, they are likely to often be walked over by others and taken advantage of.

A Bleak Existence

Based on what is going on for them, they are unlikely to live a very fulfilling life. In general, it can be as if they are simply going through the motions and just here to make up the numbers.

Being depressed and feeling totally hopeless and helpless is then going to be something that they are used to. If they were to look back on their life, they might see that they have been this way for as long as they can remember.

A Deep Hole

What might enter their mind is that they were simply born this way and there is very little that they can do. Naturally, if they have been this way for a long time, it is to be expected that they would believe that they are unable to do anything about their plight.

Nevertheless, there is a strong chance that they were not simply born this way and that what took place during their formative years played a big part. If they were to think about this stage of their life, though, they might not be able to remember much.

By Design

Assuming that this is the case, it is likely to show that their brain has blocked out most of what took place in order to protect them. If they were able to remember most of what took place and reconnect to how they felt, it would be harder for them to keep it together and function.

Not being aware of what happened or in tune with how they felt, will stop them from being able to join the dots, so to speak, but, at the same time, it will stop them from falling apart. Therefore, their brain is doing what it can to ensure their survival.

Back In Time

This may have been a time in their life when one or both of their parents were anything but loving. Instead of being treated like a valuable and lovable being that deserved to be respected, they might have been treated like an object and dominated.

Regardless of where they lived, their home experience would have had a lot in common with what it is like for someone in a prison camp. They wouldn’t have been able to freely express themselves; they would have had to do as they were told.

A Brutal Time

And, if they didn’t do as they were told, and even if they did, they might have been physically harmed, humiliated and/or isolated from others. So, to try to minimise the harm that was done and to try to be loved, they would have become very submissive and done what they could to please their parent or parents.

How they were treated would have also been taken personally as they were egocentric, which would have caused them to believe that they were worthless and unlovable. As for the pain that they experienced by being mistreated and deprived of the love that they needed, this would have been repressed by their brain.


This pain, and their need to be loved, would then have been removed from their conscious awareness but it wouldn’t have actually disappeared. Additionally, as their feelings are a key part of who they are, this would have also caused them to disconnect from themselves.

Still, living on the surface of themselves and being an unfeeling human being would have made it easier for them to handle what was going on. Now that they are an adult, however, being this way won’t serve them.

Moving Forward

It is likely to take time for them to reconnect to how they feel and be in their body. For them to do this, they are going to have beliefs to question, pain to face and work through, and unmet development needs to experience.

This is something that will take courage and patience and persistence.


If someone can relate to this and they are ready to change their life, they might need to reach out for external support. This is something that can be provided with the assistance of a therapist or healer.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, self-worth, enmeshment, inner child, true self and inner awareness. With over three thousand, two hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

To find out more go to - http://www.oliverjrcooper.co.uk/

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