If someone was abused and/or neglected as a child, it doesn’t mean that their suffering will be over now that they are an adult. The reason for this is that while what took place will be over, what took place during this period of their life may have had a massive impact on them.

Many years will then have passed since that stage of their life, but in a lot of ways, it could be as though they are still there. To make matters worse, what they are going through could just be what is normal.

A Disconnection

What they are going through will largely be the result of what they went through as a child, but they might not be able to join the dots, so to speak. Thanks to how long they have experienced life in this way for, and perhaps not even realising that they were abused, they might not question what they are going through.

Consequently, they won’t be able to see that what they are going through is not ‘normal’ and that there is a reason why their life is the way that it is. The outcome of this that their life is unlikely to get any better; in fact, it will probably get worse.

Beaten Down

One is then going to have a miserable existence but they won’t have the desire to do anything about what they are going through. Their fight instinct - the part of them that is there to keep them alive and to give them the strength they need to change their life - may have split-off from the rest of them.

The part of them that would allow them to change their life is then not going to be available. Further, as they were treated so badly, they are unlikely to have the level of self-worth that would cause them to believe that they deserve to live a life that is worth living.

It’s clear

One way to look at this whole scenario would be to imagine that they are like a car that has not only had its wheels taken off, but it has also had its fuel removed. Like this car, one won’t be in a good way and they won’t have the fuel that they need to move forward.

Even if they look fine on the outside, they will be like a car that has no engine. The inner strength and self-love that they need to change their life simply won’t be there.

There is a way

Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that it is not possible for them to change their life and that they will suffer forever. Just as a seed can become an almighty tree; they can gradually change their life.

A seed can end up being planted in their mind and this seed can soon grow into a small tree. This could take place after they have read something or had a conversation with someone.

Waking Up

During this time, a new self can start to develop, with this self being different to the part of them that doesn’t believe that they deserve to experience life differently. This self may often be overshadowed by the self that is in a very bad way but it won’t always be this way, providing that they don’t give up on themselves.

A key part of this will be for them to reach out for the support of a therapist or healer, for instance. The truth is that they deserve this support and there are people out there that will be only too happy to be there for them.

Shinning the Light

There are going to be a number of things that will need to take place for them to change their life. For one thing, they are likely to be carrying a lot of trauma and emotional wounds that need to be resolved.

Along with this, there will be negative beliefs that they will need to change. Letting go of what doesn’t serve them will be important as will receiving what they need to be able to move forward, such as unconditional positive regard.

Another Part

What will also need to occur during this time is for them to look into what they expect and to see if their expectations are serving them. When it comes to an expectation, this will be something that they are completely certain will take place.

There will be how they expect other people to treat them and what they expect to happen in their life. And, considering that they were not treated very well at the beginning of their life, there is a strong chance that they will have a number of expectations that are not benefitting them.

A Closer Look

So, thanks to what took place when they were younger, they may have some, if not all, of the following expectations:

• That they will be rejected
• That they will be treated badly
• That other people will walk over them
• That other people will leave them
• That other people will take advantage of them
• That other people will humiliate them
• That other people will violate them
• That other people will abandon them

Awareness

Although these expectations will be a reflection of what took place at the beginning of their life, that doesn’t mean that they are the truth. However, while they are not the truth, if one expects something to happen, the level of belief that they have in something taking place can cause it to manifest.

What this comes down to is that one is not just an observer of their reality; they are actively playing a part in how they experience life. This is why it will be vital for them to look into what they expect and to take their energy away from the expectations that are harmful.

Author's Bio: 

Author, transformational writer, teacher and consultant, Oliver JR Cooper, hails from England. His insightful commentary and analysis covers all aspects of human transformation, including love, partnership, self-love, and inner awareness. With over two thousand, four hundred in-depth articles highlighting human psychology and behaviour, Oliver offers hope along with his sound advice.

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